The challenges, and joys, of being a single parent

FOR single Johannesburg mother Karabo Mabe and her five-year-old daughter the future was grim.

A few months into her pregnancy, her boyfriend had run off with another woman whom he impregnated.

Determined to give her child the chances she never had, Mabe sought her family's help.

For hundreds of thousands of single mothers in South Africa life is far from easy. Absent fathers, unforgiving families and a lack of employment create immense difficulties in bringing up children.

The difficulties - and joys - of single parenthood were discussed at a seminar at the University of KwaZulu-Natal yesterday. Public protector Thuli Madonsela was one of the dignitaries who attended.

With most women complaining about fathers who deliberately did not pay maintenance, Madonsela said mothers could claim maintenance from paternal grandparents if their children's fathers did not support them.

"In cases where fathers are not working but come from well-off families, as a single mother, you have a right to claim maintenance from your child's grandparents," Madonsela said.

Her words brought hope to Thuli Mkhize.

"My child's father did not want to support her . so much so that he left his job so that the court could not force him to support his child," said Mkhize.

Mabe said her daughter had not yet asked about her father.

"My father and brother may not make up for his absence but their presence plays an important role in my daughter's life."

But for Kealeboga Modirwagale the thought of another man raising his two children, and the absence of his own father, drove him to take responsibility for his offspring.

"The only role my father played in my life was that of an ATM . I always wanted more from him," he said.

The Pretoria father lives with his five-year-old daughter and three-year-old son.

"Their mothers take them for weekends and are allowed to see them during the week.

"I just want them to grow up under my roof so I can be responsible for the people they grow up to be," he said

While Modirwagale ensures he is present in his children's lives, Nicole Noordien had to turn to the courts in August after her ex-husband - the son of former president FW de Klerk - failed to pay maintenance for their children.

The Johannesburg High Court ruled that De Klerk snr did not have to pay support for his grandchildren because his son had been ordered in 2009 to pay R18 000 a month in maintenance by the Cape High Court ruling.

Nkonzo Khanyile, Sonke Gender Justice international researcher, whose organisation started the Fatherhood Campaign - aimed at helping men deal with the role they should play in raising their children - said: "Most young boys who grew up with absent fathers grow up with resentment. This sometimes leads to deviant behaviour."