Take That: When women are the bullies

When gossip site TMZ posted surveillance footage of singer Solange Knowles attacking her brother-in-law, rapper Jay Z, the internet went wild.

The three-minute video quickly resulted in endless memes and jokes, mostly lauding Solange's streetfighter-like skills and mocking Jay Z for having his butt kicked by a woman.

But the reaction to the violent incident showed a glaring double standard: when women are the perpetrators of an act of violence against men, it is not viewed as seriously as when a man physically attacks a woman. A woman who attacks a man is either seen as crazy or a heroine, while a man who does the same is a bully or a monster.

The perception is that because men are usually physically stronger than women, they can't be the victims of violence at the hands of a woman. When the now infamous elevator fight hit the net, many people voiced their opinion that Jay Z (real name Shawn Carter) must have done something to provoke Knowles, because of the idea that women usually aren't violent without provocation.

Bafana Khumalo of Sonke Gender Justice says: "Whatever the circumstance, there could have been other ways to resolve the matter, particularly because, as celebrities, they have a lot of influence on young people. I'm sad to say Jay Z comes across [looking] better morally because he shows restraint. That's a very important message to send to other men - that retaliation is not the answer."

When actress Emma Roberts (niece to Julia) was arrested last July for domestic violence against her fiancé, American Horror Story actor Evan Peters, no newspaper op-eds were written condemning her actions. In an interview with AP, the late Whitney Houston admitted to attacking her former husband Bobby Brown. ''Contrary to belief, I do the hitting, he doesn't. He has never put his hands on me," she was quoted as saying.

Hollywood legend Humphrey Bogart was once stabbed in the back (literally) by his third wife, Mayo Methot. The 1999 Hillary Clinton biography Hillary's Choice claimed she used to beat her husband, Bill, and once had to be restrained by secret service agents.

None of these women have been branded as man-beaters.

Philip W Cook writes in the Daily Beast: ''There's great similarity between female and male victims and their abusers. The biggest difference is that male victims find themselves in the same position as women 30 years ago. Their problem is viewed as of little consequence, or they are to blame, and there are few available resources for male victims."

This is not to say women have it easy - in South Africa a woman can't walk near a taxi rank in a miniskirt without being assaulted.

When a man is attacked by a woman, his masculinity is called into question.

"Society expects men to be macho. To show weakness is tantamount to agreeing you're weaker than your partner. The question asked is, 'What kind of a man are you?', which implies you should hit harder than her."

Male victims also face this reaction from officials.

Khumalo says: "We have men in our workshops who say their cases are often dismissed by police officers when they try to report abuse by spouses.

"Officers either laugh, send them away, or tell them to go home and act like men, which implies they should hit back."

A report by non-profit organisation Moshate, which aims to "address the imbalance of gender and ill-treatment of men and boys by authorities", states such reactions "tend to dissuade men from reporting cases of domestic violence when they are victims". But there's also the danger of ignoring the underlying issues that lead to abuse, regardless of gender. Our attitudes to violence need to be reviewed.

"We must change our mindsets. Any form of violence is unacceptable, from whichever gender. We need to teach people to find creative ways to resolve conflict. Violence is never the solution," says Khumalo.