During the apartheid era, men flocked to cities to work in the surrounding mines. They came without their wives, which led to the disintegration of families and unfaithfulness in many marriages. Women also moved to the cities, to work as domestic workers, leaving their children behind to be looked after by other family members.Much has changed since then, but many women still have to leave their children with their families while they work in the cities.I fell pregnant while at university and knew I'd disappointed my family. But after I gave birth to my son they decided it was best that I go back to varsity and complete my degree.My uncle said : "Go back to school, get your degree, find a job and your child will be fine. A child is raised by a village and he'll grow up in the same way you did. "I obtained a degree in media studies and journalism and went to Johannesburg to embark on my career. Now I see my son only every second month.And even though he doesn't have an ideal upbringing - with both of his parents under one roof - I wouldn't change the situation.I value the solid foundation my family is laying for my son. Knowing he's being raised by the same hands that raised me, playing and walkingwhere I did, makes me appreciate the family that's taken on the responsibility of his upbringing, allowing me to pursue my career."It can never be easy for a parent to be separated from their children, especially by distance," says Thembi Mbangata.The 32-year-old mother of two left her children two years ago, when she moved to Johannesburg to work as a court and law reporter."After raising my son for his first eight years (he's 10 now) I know how his days start and end."I still find it hard to live without them, especially because they lived with me and were a part of my daily life, but I try to spend as much time as I can with them."Mbangata says moving to Johannesburg and leaving her children behind was one of the hardest decisions she's ever made.Having a support system allowed senior account manager Bongi Seeti to move to the city and build a better future for her daughter.The 29-year-old from North West moved to Johannesburg after her daughter was born."She was born right after my graduation and I got a job immediately after that. I left my daughter, who's now seven, at home."This year Seeti decided it was time to bring her daughter to live with her, and for the past five months her life has not been the same."I've had to create a very hectic schedule to be home every day on time, for homework and to read her bedtime stories."My daughter is also getting used to living in a household where there's just the two of us. Moving from a house full of people to staying with one person has been a big adjustment for her."Seeti says she is grateful that her little girl was brought up in a family unit and that she can speak her mother tongue, Setswana.Research has shown that for children to fully develop physically, intellectually, emotionally and socially, first prize is for both parents to be present. Next is one parent, and the third option is for there to be consistent caregivers, says Stephanie Dawson-Cosser, a counsellor who specialises in work and family matters.She says absent mothers experience loss and guilt."However, women are taking responsibility for their lives and are no longer dominated by men in a patriarchal society. They have earning capacity because they have education and skills, so you find young mothers pursuing careers in big cities."These choices are tough, but families find ways to make them work. There are many ways to raise a child and many ways to be happy. No apologies, shame or guilt are needed...