Good wife in a mess

I work and my wife stays at home with our son. She's a caring mom and a good wife. However, our house is a mess. I've brought up the subject many times, but nothing changes

SHRINK RAP

Relationships are often more negatively affected over time by hidden resentment than by infidelity or short-term crises.

Feelings that cannot be expressed, or issues raised but not addressed, corrode your spirit and erode the fabric of the relationship.

There are two ways to resolve this issue.

The first is to change the situation. This would involve either getting your wife to change, or getting her some help.

The second option is for you to change your approach. It is understandable that, after a hard day's work you would like to return to a clean home. When you are tired and irritable, tripping over mess can become the last straw. On the other hand, staying at home with children can be very draining and debilitating. Whether you have one child, as in your case, or many, children have a way of filling the gaps and demanding all of your time.

Your wife is an attentive mother. This means she works particularly hard to give your son proper care. For people in the working world, when they are stressed there is always a place to escape for respite, even it is to the bathroom. For full-time parents with young children, even going to the bathroom involves either letting the child in with you or having a screaming child at the door.

Society gives little credit for the job of parenting. Children take what they get for granted. Full-time parents receive little validation or gratitude.

Your criticism may give your wife the same feeling as tripping over a shoe gives you. If you focus on giving her appreciation and making her feel valued, she would feel more resourceful and less drained. That would mean she would have more energy and willingness to try and accommodate your preference. If that does not happen, your new focus will make you realise that putting up with mess is a small price to pay for someone who looks after what you most value. - Leonard Carr

SUPERNANNY

I WONDER if the clutter only started since your son was born or was it there all the time and you just did not see it. Are you different personality types or is there some other underlying cause for your irritation?

Caring for a child is a full-time job on its own. Your son can only benefit from having the dedicated care of his mother in these early formative years.

While I imagine your son will nap during the day, it may be that your wife does not have the energy in the gap times to get on top of everything you count as clutter. Or depression may prevent her from attacking the mess.

I suggest you discuss how she perceives the clutter and explain the effect it has on you .

Then, jointly work out a solution. Start by agreeing on a small area that you can work on together. If you take this on as a joint project, you will see organisation in your home.

Alternatively, there are professionals who work with you to de-clutter your home and your life. - Stephanie Dawson-Cosser