Hogarth: 26 February 2012

Hogarth does not suffer fools lightly and is compulsive reading for the millions of South Africans who share this intolerance.

Maybe Pravin would like to come along this time?

WHAT do you do when a minister takes eight ministers and deputies and a host of government officials on a sightseeing tour of New York at taxpayers' expense?

In the case of the Minister of Women, Children and the Disabled, Lulu Xingwana, you give her R10-million to travel the world in the next financial year.

Xingwana's neat travel bonus was among the less publicised allocations in Finance Minister Pravin Gordhan's budget.

If the New York junket - exposed on the pages of this newspaper for the sham that it was - is anything to go by, the R10-million will be spent on business-class tickets and stays at the Ritz Hotel for R5000 a night.

All in the interests of helping women, children and the disabled, of course.

And he stole the thunder

TALKING of Gordhan, he invited three of his colleagues to join him for the pre-budget speech media briefing to explain some of their own initiatives in more detail.

But Transport Minister Sbu Ndebele, who was there to explain the new Gauteng freeway toll fee structure, had his thunder stolen.

Gordhan read a prepared statement on Gauteng freeway toll prices while a bemused Ndebele could only look on in frustration.

Gordhan was taking his toll.

Manyi spins a web

WHILE Gordhan did his best to sugar-coat the bitter toll pill, government spokesman Jimmy Manyi was not as subtle.

"This is not just a bad dream, it's reality; it's going to happen. No one should have any illusions whatsoever that this thing is going to go away. It's a fact of life, and it's going to happen," he said.

Hogarth is hoping to one day wake up from the bad dream of having Jimmy Manyi as cabinet spokesman.

Attack of the acronyms

PRESIDENT Jacob Zuma did his level best to bond with the workers at a National Union of Metalworkers of SA meeting this week.

"No matter what you do with me, I remain a worker ... Until the end of time, at the centre of me will be the working-class feelings," he said.

Not bad for a man who takes home R2.4-million a year.

Zuma went on to say he would not use acronyms and abbreviations in his speech to the workers.

"I never went to school ... those who work with me will tell you I fight against acronyms, because acronyms hide information. People tell you about a few letters, [but] you don't know what they mean ... I always say that is hiding information ... bear with me if I don't use acronyms, because I just have a problem with them," he said.

But he repeatedly mentioned Numsa, Cosatu, SACP and the ANC during his speech.

ROTFL!

Heroine recognised by SAPS

HOGARTH knows the police force is struggling for good news stories, but the headline "Heroine mule busted at Cape Town International Airport" seemed to be taking it a little too far.

Expecting to read about the courageous feats of a four-legged donkey that had foiled a cash heist, Hogarth was to be sorely disappointed.

It turns out that the "heroine" they were talking about was a woman from whom they had "seized 600 grams of heroine".

Second-hand news

POLITICAL analyst Aubrey Matshiqi, himself a former ANC activist, finally gave a plausible explanation why ruling party and government functions tend to run late.

Speaking in Soweto on Thursday night, Matshiqi pointed out that even though programme director Mandla Nkomfe had given each of the speakers at the event 10 minutes to state their case, "he did not tell us how long each minute should be".

Apparently the ANC "minute" can stretch to an hour.

Write to hogarth@sundaytimes.co.za