The giving taker

A colleague who is in love with me has showered me with R5000 worth of gifts. I don't love her. What should I do?

SHRINK RAP

THERE are two types of people in the world, givers and takers.

Givers often feel uncomfortable with taking.

Some takers, even when they appear to be giving, are really taking.

The purpose of gifts is to build and strengthen the bonds of friendship and harmony in a relationship.

When you have a sense of feeling affirmed, valued or appreciated through receiving a gift, you know that the person who gave it to you was motivated by building a mutual bond. But in this case you are feeling manipulated and burdened.

You are not experiencing her donation as positive, but rather as a demand for your love.

Sadly, this woman's attempt to get you to love her demonstrates how little she loves and values herself.

If you were a taker you would exploit her insecurities and use her need to buy love as a way of extorting material support from her.

She at least has chosen a man who cares more about integrity and honesty than gaining material advantage from vulnerability.

Be honest with her and tell her what you value and respect about her.

You need to tell her that you cannot accept the gifts because you cannot offer what she wants. - Leonard Carr

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