Sibling rivalry equips us for a dog eat dog world

I read the reassuring assertion somewhere that sibling rivalry softens with time. The image of an adult daughter sticking her tongue out at another woman is a little absurd.

It's absurd now, and it happens frequently. The power politics between my five-year-old and the 10-year-old are complex and, truth be told, ridiculous. The middle child, my son, appears to be amused and bemused by this domestic drama, and is perhaps confident enough with the little attention he receives. He doesn't play a part in this soap opera.

The drama started once the five-year-old became the articulate smart child she is, and no longer needed to be treated as a baby. She doesn't, if we're self-monitoring our behaviour well enough, get attended to first. She has to wait her turn for bedtime and playtime, and to ask questions while I give her big sister the turn she deserves.

But turn-taking becomes a battle of wills. The rivalry is not just about me - it stretches to all areas of their shared lives. Friends, toys and the dogs are among the many contested territories. But when it's my turn to be the object of the rivalry, time with the older sister is interrupted every few seconds by a little call: "Is it my turn yet?", or faked screams of pain emanating from the youngest's bedroom.

When it is the little one's turn, she takes it gleefully and sucks as much time as she can from it.

This allocation of time to each child makes me sound ever-so organised. But this is not true. Perhaps if I were more organised, they would be better cared for, and would have more time with me. Perhaps, in other words, I would lose my scarcity value.

On the one hand, it makes me feel special having the two girls clamber all over me, sticking tongues out at each other. On the other hand, it is frightening that two young souls behave desperately and despicably. I am just their mother.

By all accounts, not only will this rivalry soften with time, but it's good for them.

We read earlier this week that growing up with siblings is good for your health. And there are other benefits too.

Not only do siblings who express rivalry during their youth end up more closely bonded in adulthood, says Dr Claire Hughes, a UK expert, but "the more combative siblings are, the more they argue and the more the older child puts the younger one down, the more they are learning complex lessons about communication and the subtleties of language".

Good lessons to learn for later life. Pity it's such a dog-eat-dog world, though.