Quick in and out was the plan

THE Independent Post of Zambia reported last week that prostitutes in the Kanyama, Chawama and Kalingalinga compounds offered themselves free of charge to celebrate Zambia's victory over Ghana in the Africa Cup of Nations semifinals. A man was then beaten up when he took too long with one of the ladies . "Yes, we beat him up because he took too long. There were too many queueing and the guy kept on wasting time," said eye-witnesses. We wonder what kind of a sex-plosion took place after Chipolopolo beat Ivory Coast in the final . The prostitutes were probably paying the punters.

HOT-air merchant and rent-a-quote stalwart Mamadou "Fire the Coach" Gaye must have been bewitched when he predicted an easy 4-0 victory for Ivory Coast in the Cup of Nations final. The SuperSport pundit got his wires horribly crossed and he's now walking around with his tail between his legs. We hope he didn't play around with the dangerous drug Whoonga before the final.

WE salute SuperSport United coach Gavin Hunt as a master tactician but what was he thinking converting elderly striker Glen Salmon to a central defender? Salmon, whose knees now look like dinosaur fossils, was as slow as a day in prison when Free State Stars player Rudiger Gilbert sped past him to score the equalising goal on Wednesday.

SEEING his side score three goals in the last eight minutes to come from behind and beat Platinum Stars 3-2 - with 10 men, nogal - on Wednesday, left Ajax Cape Town coach Maarten Stekelenburg a relieved man. In the post-match press conference the Dutchman looked like he'd just been put through a washing machine, had the wetness squeezed out by a big mama and hung up to dry for a few hours.

THE contest between Ajax defender Matthew Booth and Platinum striker Nathan Paulse was a clash of the beanpoles. The gangly players, who are both arms and legs, often threatened to get tangled up in each other in some sort of bizarre football tango. Their shaved heads cancelled each other out whenever the ball was played in the air.

SAFA were quick on the draw when congratulating Zambia on their Afcon win. But we felt there was just a hint of them trying to bask in Zambia's glory. Perhaps this was because the release kept repeating the phrase "and the region" - in other words, Safa had a small role to play in Zambia's success because they are both in the Cosafa region. Far better, we think, if Safa produced teams that were successful in their own right, rather than having to bend over backwards to establish that SA and Zambia are from the same area.