On the udder hand, Ben, it's a set-up

Waratahs back-rower Ben Mowen was ruled out of a club match in bizarre circumstances, rugbyheaven.com reported this week.

He grazed his hands, which became infected by farming chemicals, after "a mad cow", trying to protect her calf, charged him. He later learned he had been set up by teammate Will Caldwell, who had earlier been charged by the same cow, but neglected to inform him.

THE same website proudly listed its Tri-Nations XV, which boasted 11 All Blacks and four Wallabies, this week. We were tempted to take up the good fight for the Springboks, until we realised that five losses out of six games presented a more eloquent argument.

"AKONA was based in Port Elizabeth when I met Odwa, so I only got to meet him six months later. I think that made it easier for me to tell them apart. I once had a telephone conversation with Akona, though, thinking it was Odwa. They speak so alike it's actually scary." Odwa Ndungane's girlfriend Kgomotso Mogatwe tells the Sharks' magazine that she's one of the few people who can tell the twins apart. It's a good thing they haven't tried to pass themselves off as each other.

FROM the same magazine, former Sharks coach Ian McIntosh goes some way towards explaining how that famous first Currie Cup title was won 20 years ago. Apparently scrumhalf and captain Craig Jamieson believed 1990 was the Sharks' year, so he doled out pictures of the Sir Donald Currie Cup to each squad member to take home so they could look at it every day until they won it. Jamieson obviously knew the secret way before it won worldwide acclaim.

MAC also spoke about a theory they had about altitude back then. It was that if you played at 3pm there was no air at altitude, but if you played in the evening, or under cloud cover, it became easier to deal with. With that in mind, why did Mac, as a Springbok selector, not plead for a 3pm Tri-Nations kick off? Maybe the Boks would have run out of puff even earlier than they did in their two losses.

"I FIND it strange that people want to tell the world what they're doing at any time of the day. If I had a Twitter account, I would post one message and that would be: 'Mind your own business'." Martin Johnson would say that, wouldn't he?

"THE Law requires that in order for a kick to be successful the ball must go over the cross bar (law 9.A.2 (b)) and, therefore, between the posts or the continued imaginary line of the posts. When the ball passes over the top of an upright it is deemed not to have crossed the cross bar and cannot be awarded." This is what Saru informed the rugby media this week after claims in the press that Jacques-Louis Potgieter's penalty attempt against the Cheetahs should have been ruled good. Well, thanks for that. Those scribes who claimed the kick was good had better watch out for the impending media tribunal, which will be coming to a slaughterhouse near you.

WHY not call a spade a spade? Stade Francais and Argentina back-rower Juan Manuel Leguizamon was handed an 80-day ban for "making contact in the region around the eyes" of Toulon's Jean Bouilho last month. If it was eye gouging, the folks who hand down these bans should say so.