Tsamaya: Accident waiting to happen

Although it is intoxicating to watch Tlou Segolela tearing down the flanks like a racing car, it is also a worry that our headless-chicken friend is going to run straight into a goalpost one of these days.

We appreciate speed but acceleration without timing can be a little dangerous. We are keeping our fingers crossed that we do not get to witness one of the ugliest accidents yet seen on a PSL pitch.

BENNI McCarthy's love of junk food and late-night snacks has cost him close to a million bucks in fines by West Ham. The curvy South African hasn't met the weight-loss deadlines imposed by the club. Benni has made only a handful of appearances for the Hammers and has yet to find the back of the net. McCarthy's body fat soared to twice the recommended level for a male athlete.

WE are wondering if it was not PSL high-flier Peter Mancer who unleashed his two dorky nephews on the poor, unsuspecting supporters who dished out a repulsive rendition of the World Cup song Waka Waka at the Buccaneers v Amakhosi derby. We have seen some shocking performances on Popstars and Idols, but the one dished out by the two numbskulls takes the cake. Who are those two clowns, Squire?

SABC'S voice-over stalwart Owen Ndlovu's made-in-Mogadishu silk suit was a major fashion jaw-dropper at the derby. He was clever enough to steer clear of all those chain-smoking journalists in his highly flammable costume.

TSAMAYA was about to launch a search party for the hibernating official Afzal Khan, but we're happy to see that our long-lost silver-tongued friend is still alive and kicking. In a recent interview with an overzealous website, he was spitting some top-class football cliches - like the veteran administrator he really is. Good to hear from you, Afzal!

YOU'VE got to hand it to the "Togo" squad that played a friendly match against Bahrain in Manama on Tuesday. They can't play footie, but they have hefty gonads. The game, won 3-0 by Bahrain, was even listed on Fifa's website, but the Togolese FA stated the players involved were not from Togo. Nobody knows who they were! A dodgy agent sold the match to Bahrain, and the feeble performance of the fong-kong Togolese stunned Bahraini officials - who only found out the truth after the game. Togo's sports minister said nobody back home was aware of the encounter. The real Togolese national team played Botswana in Gaborone last Saturday.

BANTWANA Bantwana coach Solly Luvhengo apologised to South Africans following the girls' humiliation at the under-17 World Cup. "I know that people back home stayed up late to watch their national team play in the World Cup and we made serious errors that make me feel I need to apologise to the people of South Africa." Bantwana returned home after conceding a whopping 17 goals in three matches following a 10-1 spanking by Germany, a 4-0 thumping from Mexico and a 3-1 drubbing by South Korea. Sorry Bantwana, sorry!