Mzion's must-read bio a cultural eye-opener

Orlando Pirates' No1 supporter, Johannes "Mzion" Mofokeng, celebrated 50 years in football and his enthralling biography has been circulated to the media. "I am holding one of the highest positions in the church as chairman of the St Mathews Apostolic Church of South Africa. My culture does not allow me to discuss or talk about marriage status. I can only disclose that I was married and divorced with sons and daughter. I cannot say how many because they are not cows or sheep, they are human being," reads an extract from Mzion's award-winning memoir.

Mpumalanga Black Aces striker Mpho Maleka's comments when he refused to renew his contract must have left the club's numbskull directors with their jaws on the floor. "How can I negotiate a new contract with a club that might be playing its football in the National First Division next season? Look, I have a family to support, my brother," Maleka told KickOff.com last week. Maleka was later dropped from the team and did some verbal sparring in the newspapers with space-cadet coach Paul Dolezar.

Camroon's coach at the African Nations Championship, Emmanuel Doumbe, also belted out some quotable quotes, saying his players were so raw they had trained under floodlights for the first time at the tournament. "I wondered why they were mistiming so many headers from crosses until some of them admitted they were distracted by the novelty of floodlights and were constantly staring at them."

One of our Hall of Famers and "Mr Nedbank" himself, Lunga Williams, cut a forlorn figure at the Nedbank Cup draw after being relegated to the back of the queue where he was forced to mingle with the supporters. The high flyer had to endure the deafening blares of vuvuzelas at close range. Poor Lunga!

We hear Safa will soon be conducting aptitude and selection tests for coaches, which is marvellous news. Tsamaya suggests the following study modules for these gentlemen: Conti Khubeka (the away-goals rule); Ted Dumitru (how to get past the first round of the Afcon); Gordon Igesund (how to coach every team in SA); Patrice Motsepe (how not to work for a tycoon); Antonio Lopez Habas (death threats and their effect on coaching careers) and, finally MacBeth Sibaya (new baldy looks).

AWOL specialist Wayne Roberts has recently been up to his old antics again and as a result has been booted out by Santos. The 33-year-old could shame John Dillinger with his escapology skills in a career spanning Cape Town Spurs, Seven Stars, Orlando Pirates, Ajax Cape Town, Mother City and Wits University. Roberts' Cape Flats chommie and former Bafana keeper Emille Baron is also AWOL. Anyone who has seen these two meatheads please notify the Tsamaya office for our "Where are they now?" section. We will reward you with a free margarita pizza and a beer.

Tsamaya has learned that MTN committed to the continuing sponsorship of Township TV for 2011 but withdrew in December, citing budget cuts. So Township TV could be forced to shut down, which would deprive hundreds of thousands of soccer fans of watching live PSL action in 20 parks across the country. Budget cuts" didn't seem to affect MTN's multimillion-rand deals with Bloem Celtic and Lions rugby. Not so Ayoba!