Single fathers fight back

In a country in which nearly half of children under 18 grow up without fathers, South African dads have a reputation for being deadbeats who leave mothers to cope with the financial and emotional demands of raising youngsters alone.

But this is starting to change. Last month alone the national office of the Family Advocate, which assists families in legal disputes involving children, opened more than 1400 parental rights cases from fathers wanting greater access to their children.

This figure has almost doubled in the last three years.

Still, the number fathers who want to be more involved in their children's lives after divorce or separation is still modest.

A 2011 Institute of Race Relations survey shows that 48% of South Africa's children grow up without their fathers. Against this backdrop, the rise in fathers who fight for their rights is being viewed as a significant step towards parental equality.

Karabo Ngidi, of the Centre for Child Law at the University of Pretoria, confirms the trend: "More and more fathers, especially unmarried fathers, are aware of their rights and responsibilities and wish to assert them."

Fathers like Pratish Rajcoomar, 31, whose relationship with the mother of his 18-month-old daughter ended before her birth, says it's still easier said than done.

"Although changes to the [amended Children's] Act [of 2007] have made it easier to be recognised as a father and have rights, in practice it is still a time-consuming, emotional and financially draining experience," Rajcoomar says.

The Johannesburg stockbroker, who currently sees his daughter for two hours once a week, wants to spend more quality time with her.

"I really just want to be there for my child," he says. "I don't want her growing up thinking her father rejected her."

In September 2011, Rajcoomar approached the Johannesburg High Court in a bid to be registered on his daughter's birth certificate as her father. He was registered on January 28 this year.

Now he is awaiting a court-ordered parenting plan that will allow him to see her for eight hours every second weekend, increasing gradually as she grows older.

To reach this point has cost Rajcoomar a "small fortune" in various fees, but the rights he has successfully claimed were once inconceivable.

"Of course I want to do more for and with my child but for now this is a step in the right direction."

Not all fathers can afford to fight for access to their children.

Says Gary da Silva of Fathers4Justice: "Thousands of men are forced to give up contact with their children because they can't afford legal fees."

Fathers4Justice is a rights organisation with 34000 members across South Africa. It campaigns for children to have joint and equal maintenance and contact with both parents. It also provides fathers - and mothers - with legal and psychological advice and referrals to support groups.

Fathers4Justice takes a hard line on what it calls "outdated legal practices" that automatically give custody to mothers.

"Apart from breast-feeding, both parents can be responsible for their children," says Da Silva.

Cases where unmarried fathers are awarded full custody are few.

In 2011, Johannesburg single father Phillip Engelbrecht made a successful application to the high court for custody after his fiancee and mother of his two-year-old son walked out on them.

Says Engelbrecht: "I don't know if I would have stood any chance had she not been the one who walked out."

The culture may be changing but with more than 90% of mothers being awarded custody through the courts in 2011, rights groups say the law still favours women.

Four Pretoria fathers made legal history in 2011 when they filed a complaint with the public protector and the Equality Court claiming they were discriminated against on the basis of their gender by the Family Advocate's office.

One of the fathers, Alwyn van Ginkel, said: "Investigation methods by the office of the Family Advocate proved they still prefer mothers in custody cases."

The nine respondents - the four fathers and their children - are claiming R71-million in damages for their experiences at the Family Advocate's office in Pretoria. No date has been set for the hearing.

Mbuyiselo Botha, spokesman of Sonke Gender Justice, is concerned about the number of children growing up without fathers.

"When fathers abandon their children, it makes news. Not much is said about fathers who stick around or fight for their children," says Botha. "A shift in thinking is needed in society. Fathers who want to be fathers should be allowed to do so without being punished for not staying in loveless relationships with the mothers."

Rights and responsibilities of fathers

CHANGES to the Amended Children's Act of 2007, in force since April 2010, are fairer to fathers:

Biological fathers who are married to the child's mother, or were married at the time of the child's conception or birth, or between conception and birth, have the same rights and responsibilities as biological mothers;

An unmarried biological father has full parental rights and responsibilities if he lived permanently with the mother at the time of the child's birth and/or wants to have an active role in the child's upbringing;

Both parents are required to contribute towards the maintenance of the child;

Children who are considered mature enough - an age decided by the court - are allowed to apply to spend time, or live, with their father.

I love my dad because ...

THE Sonke Gender Justice initiative asked children to write about what makes their fathers special.

Boitumelo Foss, 7, Cape Town: My dad [Tsietsi Foss] can cook nice food and plays with me. He was the first person to wash my nappies after my mom's Caesarean section. He makes me feel special and we know that he will always be there for us all.

Gqwetha Moeng, 10, Bloemfontein: My dad [Themba Malukazi] can make me laugh and hug and hold me. He keeps us safe. He teaches me equality and respect. He is loving, kind and he never gets angry.

Nombulelo Shongwe, 13, Shongwe Mission: My dad [David Shongwe] can take care of me. He is special because he raised me without my mom. He is a single father without money or a job but he tries by all means to get money to support me. He makes sure that I'm healthy and strong.

Luyanda Mkhwanazi, Newcastle: [Vusi Mabaso] is my stepfather and he loves me so much. He teaches me to respect and love other people. He does not drink or smoke and he loves my mother very much. He doesn't abuse her. He is Christian, a wonderful father and makes me proud of him.