Adultery 'good for marriage'

14 April 2014 - 02:01 By Danielle Demetriou, The Daily Telegraph
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Ashley Madison. File photo.
Ashley Madison. File photo.
Image: www.ashleymadison.com

He receives death threats, websites are devoted to hastening his demise, and the Vatican has sent him letters of complaint.

The man in question is not a criminal, a terrorist or a dictator - he is the businessman behind the world's biggest website for extramarital affairs.

Noel Biderman is the founder of Ashley Madison, the controversial but globally popular adultery website that connects married men and women and helps them have affairs.

Famed for its catchy motto - "Life is short. Have an affair" - the dating service is free for women but men must pay. Its features include virtual "winks", instant messaging and "travelling" services for those wanting affairs on business trips.

Its mobile app uses GPS technology to track down the nearest potential lover.

The website is growing fast: since launching in Canada in 2002 it has attracted more than 24million members in 37 countries. It launched in South Korea last week.

Biderman, 42, is used to defending his business. In an interview last week in Japan - the country with the fastest-growing membership - he reeled out a string of reasons as to why infidelity is the way of the modern world.

"Infidelity exists in every culture," said Biderman, who refers to himself as the "Emperor of Infidelity". "There's no place you can point to on the planet where there is no unfaithfulness.

"In the lifetime of a relationship, on the male side, close to 70% or 80% of men are going to be unfaithful at some point in their marriage. And the female side is incredibly on the rise - it's past 40%."

Since the UK launch of the site four years ago, more than 825000 have joined - mainly married women aged between 38 and 42.

"Our brand resonates well with a married woman, 15-plus years into her marriage, who doesn't feel that celibacy should slip into the marriage at this time," he said.

In Japan, a million people joined in nine months.

"This region does best at separating sex and marriage," said Biderman. "You can do sex outside marriage much more liberally here. That's not to say that they don't present a traditional face, as most societies do. But I think if we had to measure the infidelity economy in Japan we'd find that it's incredibly sizeable."

The reasons for soaring infidelity are multiple, says Biderman. But he believes the human race is not biologically programmed to be faithful - and that this can be good for a marriage.

"We're not engineered for mono-gamy. The longer the couple is together, invariably, after six months, their sexual encounters decrease; after two years they decrease even further. Twenty years into a relationship, we're no longer sexually attracted."

He is rarely far from controversy and has incurred the wrath of the pope, who sent a disapproving letter to Ashley Madison in opposition to its sponsorship of Rome basketball club Virtue Roma.

Singapore's government banned the site following a public outcry against its "flagrant disregard" for public morality.

Biderman believes that having an affair - without getting caught - can help save a marriage, the only other option being divorce.

"The perfect affair is not only meeting someone like-minded, it's also not being discovered. That's what I've built: a platform on which everybody can put up their hand and say: 'I'm interested in an affair', and it has the technology to keep it discreet."

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