I had an aunt named Tinalien (indeed), who took me to a ballet many decades ago. I was seven. So infuriated was I with such balderdash we did not speak for decades. I was wrong, of course, a marauding cretin now bitterly regretting the follies of his youth.Swan Lake on Ice affirms what she knew then: ballet is much more than physical virtuosity and art; it's a tribute to alchemy. Carl Jung wrote: "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed."He might as well have been referring to the audience on the opening night. If you don't know the story, buy the high-quality glossy programme, a collector's item, and read about it beforehand.A sexy young prince loves a youthful femme fatale who is half swan, half woman. But men often change their minds, even if a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.Another coquette bedazzles him. In the end, however, there is a lot of snot en trane - but bells will chime and rumpy pumpy with the right girl will triumph.Through all these lovers' tiffs you can sit back and watch the magic of fine-looking ballet dancers somersaulting and twirling in the air like whirling dervishes.Paranormal creatures come to mind as they fly down for soft landings on the hard, cold ice, never a slip, always firmly on their feet.Sometimes it looks like acrobatics. At one stage a circle of fire erupts on stage; in another scene sparkling lights emanate from a dancer's blades under his boots. Leave the LSD at home; you'll become unhinged.Women are airlifted into the ether and disappear. Later they fly back and the audience sits hypnotised.You dance the metaphorical fandango, cha-cha and pas de deux with them, from one number to the next. You're breathless.The music is by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, who was a suppressed homosexual genius who, allegedly due to societal prejudice, committed suicide at the age of 53.The dramatic costumes are by Albina Gabueva, one of Russia's top designers. They've been deeply influenced by the colourful Romanov period (1613 - 1917). Enough said.There is not enough space to credit everybody, but this world-class production of the Imperial Ice Stars is brought to you by Pieter Toerien. Take a bow.Until January 31. Book at https://pietertoerien.computicket.com/..