The Big Read: 'Pistorius' self-pity nauseating, he must own up to his deeds'

27 June 2016 - 10:28 By CLAIRE COHEN

To which the only reasonable reaction is: What?That man, of course, is Oscar Pistorius. The former Paralympian killed his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp, 30, three years ago, shooting four times through the bathroom door in the belief, he claimed, she was an intruder. Pistorius, 29, is awaiting a new sentence after his culpable homicide charge was upgraded to murder on appeal. Now he has given a one-off television interview that was broadcast on Friday night. And for anyone already sickened by his self-pitying displays in the courtroom, it made for despicable viewing.In the documentary, he said: "If I was afforded the opportunity of redemption I would like to help the less fortunate. I would like to believe that if Reeva could look down on me then she would want me to live that life."Social media exploded. My own first thought was: "She'd probably rather still be alive." But it's too easy to spit back sarcasm. Pistorius' words really show us how deluded he remains. How he's still driven by the belief that he deserves a voice. That people like him - however they behave - have something to offer society and shouldn't be locked up. That he's a narcissist.Worse, he feels able to put words into Steenkamp's mouth, the woman he murdered. We will never know whether she'd have wanted redemption for Pistorius - and neither can he. Steenkamp, as I wrote at the time, has had almost no voice since her death. At trial any sense of her as a person - a daughter, sister, friend - was couched in legal speak or skimmed over. Her family tried to keep her memory alive, bringing pictures of her to court every day. But the message then, as it is now, was clear: this is the Oscar Pistorius show. The only occasion when her voice was heard came via the WhatsApp messages she'd sent to him two weeks before her death: "I'm scared of you sometimes and how you snap at me and of how you will react to me."What she meant, we can never know. But her words have haunted me since I read them - as no doubt they have those who knew and loved her. It's chilling stuff. And it makes Pistorius' attempt to second-guess what she might have wanted all the more incredible.During the recent sentencing hearing in Pretoria High Court, we at least got a sense of how Steenkamp's murder has affected her family. Her father Barry,73, gave an emotional testimony about the "devastation" her death had caused."I talk to her. She is with me all the time. I wouldn't say I've become a recluse but I can't really mix with people any more. It's devastated us. I had a stroke. I wouldn't wish it on another human being," he said.It was hard to watch this dignified man tremble. And I can think of no greater contrast with the self-pitying vignettes delivered by his daughter's killer. "I understand the pain people feel, that loved her and miss her. I feel that same pain," Pistorius said. "And I look back and I think, how did this possibly happen? I think, how could this have happened?"Pistorius needs to own up. I can only hope his sentencing on July 6 is the moment that finally brings it home to him: the only life wasted was that of Reeva Steenkamp. - © The Telegraph..

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