Speak out, don't lash out

When Angelo Louw, then 16, pushed his mother after she slapped him during an argument, he thought it would change their relationship forever.

"My reaction was instinctive. I didn't even feel myself do it. All I remember is the look on her face once it was done."

Gauteng writer and activist Louw, now 25, cannot even recall what caused the fight with his mother, Vanessa Pillay. He can however, remember the shame he felt after pushing her.

"I owe her everything, so why on earth would I act violently towards her?

"My mom is not that much older than me [17 years] so we fight a lot - despite the close relationship we have," he said.

Louw is one of 16 bloggers whose stories of abuse will be published on loveLife's website every day to commemorate 16 Days of Activism for No Violence Against Women and Children. The campaign started yesterday and will run until December 10.

Women, Children and People with Disabilities Minister Lulu Xingwana and Northern Cape's acting premier, Grizelda Cjikella, yesterday led the opening ceremony, in Kimberley, for this year's campaign.

Xingwana said: "Domestic violence is not something that should be left to families to resolve. [ It is not] a private family matter.

"An uncle who rapes a niece should face the full might of the law. Once a crime has been committed, let us allow the law to take its course.''

Though the 2011-2012 crime statistics released in September by Police Minister Nathi Mthethwa show a 3.7% drop in sexual offences and 1.9% decline in rapes, Xingwana said "the level of crimes committed against women and children remains high".

loveLife spokesman Beathur Mgoza Baker said the blog is "a unique way to highlight the devastation wrought by abuse by giving people the opportunity to share experiences of their own and others' abuse".

Also sharing her story of abuse on the blog is singer and actress Kelly Khumalo.

Khumalo speaks of her turbulent relationship with hip-hop artist Molemo "Jub Jub" Maarohanye, by whom she has a two-year-old son, Christian.

Maaronhanye was convicted of murder after he and friend rode over four children while drag-racing.

Khumalo said the abuse started two years into the relationship.

"The signs were always there, when I think about it. There were times when he didn't want me to go to work."

The website will also feature information and advice on how to deal with emotional, mental and financial abuse, as well as how to raise sons who will not abuse.