And so the 2026 Fifa World Cup comes to an end tonight. Hogarth has enjoyed almost all of it — bar that moment when Bafana Bafana froze in the face of the green Mexican wave.
But what he has enjoyed most has been the American commentary on the games. There was that US TV presenter who told his audience that one of the records being made at the games was that the country was the first World Cup host to “bomb a country we are hosting”. He was referring to the Orange One’s decision to resume the bombing of Iran while the Iranian team was in the US for the games.
Then there was the commentator who told a Fox News host that Fifa should change the rules so that “if America has had to invade your country to liberate you in the last 100 years, then we should get a one-goal advantage”.
Hogarth thinks even if that were to happen, the US would still not win a World Cup final.
Maybe just stick to golf?
Four weeks of the World Cup have made even Donald Trump believe that he knows a thing or two about the game of billions and its tactics. The Orange One was scathing in his criticism of the defensive tactics adopted by England coach Thomas Tuchel in the semifinal against Argentina.
Trump complained specifically about how his favourite English striker and part-time golfer, Harry Kane, was used in the game: “Harry, who has been fantastic, I think perhaps they made a mistake when they made him a defensive player … They took the lead and they took their best player and put him on defence. But what do I know about coaching? I thought that was a bit unusual."
When a journalist asked Tuchel what he thought of what Trump had said, he retorted: “Do you use Donald Trump as a witness for your case?” The reporter was on the back foot.
Losing the match but keeping the islands
The English weren’t as upset with Tuchel’s cowardly approach to football as they were at the Argentinians for celebrating their victory by hoisting a politically charged banner declaring the much-disputed Falkland Islands as belonging to the Latin American country and not England.
When a spokesperson for the outgoing UK prime minister, Keir Starmer, was asked to comment about the incident, he said: “The World Cup might not be ours, but the Falklands is definitely ours.” Asked who the prime minister thought should win tonight’s final between Argentina and Spain, the spokesman responded: “The prime minister wishes both teams well for the final, especially Spain.”
Another day, another one for the sick bay
Meanwhile, back here at home, the Madlanga commission continued to be as captivating as the World Cup. The week started with what has become known as “inquirilitis” claiming another victim. This time it was advocate Andrea Johnson, head of the Investigating Directorate Against Corruption (Idac), who apparently suddenly fell ill on her way to testify before the commission.
As the commissioners were still trying to understand the story, they were told that another witness, Suliman Carrim — who had been too sick to tell the commission who the auditors of his business were — had been spotted in Cape Town braving those freezing Woollies fridges for some quick shopping.
At this rate, the commission might have to move to a hospital so it can cater for all the witnesses who promptly fall ill when their names are called.
The art of saying ‘noted’ for three days
With his boss a no-show, it was left to Idac investigator Brian Padayachee to explain to the commission why what seemed like a minor HR department issue ended up being the focus of the top investigative unit.
Hogarth salutes Padayachee for having the stomach to face the commissioners for three straight days without getting an urge to find himself a doctor’s note. However, Hogarth does not believe Padayachee did himself any favours by answering to some of the most difficult questions with a simple “noted”.
A lunchtime showstopper
Also appearing at the commission this week was Warrant Officer Mbongeleni Mpangase, who requested the assistance of an interpreter to give his evidence. And the Zulu interpreter, Vusi Nkabinde, stole the show with his animated performance.
At one stage, Justice Mbuyiseli Madlanga announced that the commission was adjourning for lunch, and Nkabinde translated this into isiZulu as “Awuthi siyodla ndoda”, which means “Let’s go eat, my man.”
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