Hogarth: 15 January 2012

Hogarth does not suffer fools lightly and is compulsive reading for the millions of South Africans who share this intolerance.

Let them eat cake, while we quaff the finest champagne

FOR most of the past 100 years, the ANC has sold itself as a party of the poor whose leaders are always prepared to make selfless sacrifices on behalf of "the masses".

But in the midst of its 100th anniversary celebrations last Sunday, the party's mask slipped to reveal its lesser-known, Marie Antoinette, face.

Proposing a toast, deputy president Kgalema Motlanthe told the crowd that those who did not have champagne glasses would have to raise clenched fists for the toast.

"The leaders will now enjoy the champagne, and of course they do so on your behalf through their lips," Motlanthe said before downing his glass of imported champagne.

How he breaks it down

HOGARTH could not help noticing that by the time the dancing president had finished his drawn-out speech, he had already turned his pages more than a hundred times. This was 50 times more than the number of pages in the copies of the speech handed to media hacks.

Hogarth figures that he uses a much bigger font than the rest of us, which must explain why he breaks sentences and words at inopportune moments.

Did you hear him when he said the ANC's "member ... ship is one ... million 27389 members .. .in ... good ...standing"?

Juju in the house

LUTHULI House may have gagged Wee Julius from speaking at the 100-year jamboree, fearing he would embarrass the karaoke king in front of international guests who included tinpot dictators and aging presidents.

But the Young Lion sure made his presence felt during the rally. With his dark, gold-rimmed sunglasses and a white Cuban shirt over his round figure, anyone could have been forgiven for mistaking him for a gangsta rapper.

Musical double act

SPEAKING of music artists, old Hogarth thought he was seeing double when a rotund young man entered the Free State Stadium to loud cheering and clapping while Wee Julius was already seated on the stage.

For a moment, Hogarth feared that Malema had a twin nobody knew about.

A kind young scribe eased the anxiety when he pointed out that it was actually kwaito star L'vovo.

Say my name

SO the ageing chief from Ulundi is complaining again. This time about his name being omitted from President Zuma's 90-minute speech.

Which other political figure has ever complained about his name not being mentioned at a rival political party's function? Maybe dear old Not-Gatsha fears that his IFP will not be around for much longer to have his name mentioned in every sentence.

Hogarth thinks it's time somebody donates that rocking chair since he is not willing to get one himself.

Scoffing it up

THEY say a picture tells a thousand words. Such was the case with the now-popular image of Wee Julius laughing his lungs out with pipe-smoking former president Thabo Mbeki. No one knows what they said to each other, but one of Hogarth's colleagues speculates that the conversation went something like this:

Wee Julius: "Hahaha, I got you recalled as president."

The Piped One: "Hehehe, they fired you, too."

Did we mention the UN?

SOON after his uninspiring speech, Zuma jetted off to New York to chair a United Nations' debate on cooperation between the UN and Africa.

So excited was his office that he actually achieved something from the meeting - with the UN agreeing to work closer with the African Union - it sent out the same statement hailing his achievements four times within a minute.

• Write to hogarth@sundaytimes.co.za