Hit a no-go zone

My wife hasn't slept with me for eight years. I love her, but is it OK for me to look for sex elsewhere. Can I have an affair?

SHRINK RAP

SEX is what distinguishes the marital relationship from all others. The sexual relationship creates a boundary between the private shared world of the couple and the rest of the world. One could also say that the purpose of sex is to strengthen the marital bond.

There are couples who manage happily without sex. When, however, one person feels "young and strong" and the other does not, then the marriage could be in jeopardy. Th e frustration, rejection and resentment can erode the love and good will in the marriage.

You have waited years to consider an affair. Before you sabotage what you have, you need to make sure that you have tried everything to engage your wife in dealing with the sexual issues in your relationship. The best affair that you can have is always with the one you love - try that first. - Leonard Carr

SUPERNANNY

The fact that you are asking for advice would suggest that somewhere inside of you, you are not at ease with this idea.

There are many ways to find sexual pleasure within a loving relationship without having intercourse.

If you love your wife, as you say, I would suggest that you rather start to explore how to ignite your relationship with your wife. Relationships can grow tired over the years, but if love is there, there is no limit on what can be rediscovered.

A relationship counsellor or sex therapist could assist . - Stephanie Dawson-Dosser