Cele, Zuma are comic fodder

Embattled police boss Bheki Cele looks so scary that he single-handedly brought down the crime rate - well, that's what comedians think about his appearance.

As Cele's future in President Jacob Zuma's administration hangs in the balance, comedians are having a field day poking fun at the general and the controversies that surround him and other government officials.

David Kau and other popular comedians went all out in their mockery of politicians at Kau's popular Blacks Only Comedy Show at the Sandton Convention Centre on Saturday .

The shenanigans of Cele, Zuma and ANC Youth League president Julius Malema made them easy prey for the stand-up comics.

Kau said of Cele: "I think the uniform makes him look like a criminal. If I were pulled over by Bheki Cele at night I would be calling the cops!"

Cele has been at the centre of contentious police leasing deals in which two buildings were to have been acquired at highly inflated rates.

Kau said the saga made a perfect script for a movie titled The Lease.

He said Shaka Zulu, if he were still alive, would have been perfect to play Cele.

Pretoria comedian Thapelo Seemise, whom Kau discovered through his comedy search show, So You Think You Are Funny, also took a swipe at Cele's appearance.

"If they put a picture of Bheki Cele on a R50 note, I am going to work so hard so that I will be earning from R100 upwards," he said to roars of laughter.

Seemise, also known as "Tips", set his sights on Zuma while talking about how he devoted 67 minutes in honour of Nelson Mandela's birthday.

"I believe that if you have to do that 67 minutes, you should take someone, maybe a child, to a place he has never been to so that he can see something new, something he has not experienced.

"Mine got cut short by the government because I wanted to take someone to a place he has never been to - I wanted to take Zuma to a matric dance" (Zuma did not complete his schooling).

Kau, who campaigned for the ANC during the recent elections, graced the stage with an open toilet to poke fun at the Free State toilet-farm saga.

But he later said that even this saga would not stop voters from voting ANC.

The ANC, he said, was "like an uncle that molests you but still pays your school fees".

"I have also noticed that potholes have become so influential in politics. I would rather vote for a party that will put me in a suburb where I can complain about potholes!" Kau said.

Chris Forrest, the only white comedian in the show, painted his face black and said he had been trying hard to be black.

"I've been eating chicken, I've been trying to learn how to dance and even got a trust account," he said, taking a swipe at Juju Malema.