OPINION: Celebrity funeral etiquette - how far is too far?
Losing someone close to you is devastating, no matter who you are. Losing someone you and the whole country loved dearly, I have learnt, is a totally different story.
When our celebrities die, the whole nation is sad. No matter how they die, after the news breaks, the pattern of events is almost the same. We are in shock, then we are in denial, we ask what happened, we send condolences and tributes then wait for the funerals so we can get “closure”.
The last few weeks have been so tough on the South African creative industry. In one week the country lost veteran kwaito artist Tsekeleke at the age of 40, former Generations actress Mary Makgatho and the multi-talented artist Dumi Masilela.
The coverage they received differed and there were complaints from fans on social media. But, as usual, there were a few "stand-out opinions" concerning how much coverage celebrity funerals deserve that left me perplexed.
The criticism of the media caught my attention. It made me wonder if comments such as: “Why did you post a video of a widow weeping at her husband’s graveside? This is not necessary", are justified.
Not necessary? By whose standards? And so the big question is just how far should the media go in covering funerals?
The media needs to do its job, fam.
The media’s mandate is to cover stories that are in the public interest. So, while working a story on a celebrity's death, it is really a journalist's job. For you, however, it has the potential to take you through the mourning process.
Yes, it's not the most pleasant part of our jobs. I mean, attending a funeral is not the greatest thing to be doing on a Saturday. Asking for comment. Getting information around the death. The media has to navigate the sensitivities that surround these things and do their jobs while still showing respect to the family in mourning.
Of course, they expect it. They've lived with that person being in the spotlight and very quickly appoint a spokesperson to deal with enquiries.
They know that while they mourn in private, their person shared their life with the world. They chose to be in the public eye and, even in death, they share that pain.
The one thing the family, the media and the fans understand as a collective is that a funeral of a prominent public figure needs to be shared with the public, but it is is not always that simple to execute.
Here is the first issue:
No matter the reason you want to see the funeral, how much of it you want to see will never be a consensus.
True to human nature, most fans are in two minds about how far the media should go in covering the funeral. "It's a private thing," most of you try to convince each other on Twitter streets. But death does not absolve you of your previous public life.
If the media fails to show up, as in the case of Tsekeleke's funeral, y'all are sure to complain. "The media is biased." "Why did they snub the veteran kwaito star?"
Then when the media shows up, as in the case of Dumi Masilela's funeral, then all of a sudden "the media is rude or insensitive". Huh?
Would I want cameras in my face as I cry, you ask yourself? Then that little voice in you says, “The media is so insensitive” or “why are they not respecting the grieving family?
You are quick to call the ethics of journalism into question.
“They have no respect,” you text your mates in your WhatsApp groups. The same group where you shared the video of a widow weeping at her husband’s graveside for your friend who doesn’t have Twitter.
So, who sets the limit? Well, not you.
While it's important to remember that the making of a celebrity doesn't happen without you, the fan, it is the press code, ethics and the family which guide our actions.
The media shall exercise care and consideration in matters involving the private lives and concerns of individuals. The right to privacy may be overridden by the public interest.
Public interest.
Granted, depending on the race, culture and last wishes of the deceased, the family may set a few rules in place. These are generally things like no cameras allowed in the house or no journalists allowed in the house. These rules are respected and adhered to.
So, when Simphiwe (the widow to Dumi) broke down at the graveside as she said farewell to her husband and the moment was caught on camera, should the media have switched off their cameras?
No. Not only was covering the events of the funeral part of our jobs in covering a death of a well-known actor who had been a victim of crime in South Africa (which was obviously in the public interest), the family gave us access to the graveside. The family did not set aside any limitations. There were other limitations, sure. And we adhered to those.
Simphiwe, as broken as she was, showed amazing strength. Even when the pain in her heart was evident in both her silence and her speech. Being a celebrity herself she understood that the media would be an ever-present feature at Dumi's funeral.
The Masilela family were fully aware that all eyes would be on them. They opened their hearts to us and we took in that moment. They are hurting and know that moment will be recorded and go viral. So why did you take personal offence? You, as a fan? Why are you mad?
There were no rules that were broken. The most important people here, the family, are happy. We phone the Masilela family on a weekly basis and the only thing they're angry about is the fake stories about Dumi doing the rounds. Ones which you share. You know, about his alleged salary. Ones about Simphiwe "being pregnant." That's what has cut them deeply.
"People can write what they like, they can say whatever they feel like, but they did not know the real Dumi. They can make up nonsense using his name but we know the truth about Dumi and the kind of man he was," his brother Mbongeni told us.
So maybe before you catch feelings on what you think is wrong, or somehow you've convinced yourself that we've crossed a line and you've appointed yourself family spokesperson, think before you share something really hurtful. Something fake. Something that the family is really offended about.