If your town needs an enema - vote to give it one

Marvin Meintjies: With local government elections around the corner, I can't help but wonder what happened to government's Batho Pele (People First) slogan.

Whenever I interact with government, particularly at local level, all I can hear are the words of Steve Biko: "Black man, you are on your own." It's a statement that holds true no matter your race.

Don't expect your city council to provide any of the services they gouge you for through rates and taxes.

The sight of Joburg's potholed streets now littered with black plastic bags full of rubbish owing to a Pikitup strike is evidence of this.

We've got used to the national government not being there for us, but this stinks. We know that it is our responsibility to ensure our own safety, pay for quality education for our children and cough up for medical aid.

We know that, to see our tax money hard at work, we have to take a trip to the One & Only in Cape Town to find Minister of Co-operative GovernanceSicelo Shiceka.

So the thousands of rands spent per household on electric fencing, alarm systems, private healthcare and education (with little or no tax breaks for any of this) are taken in stride by the middle class.

That's fine. We've got to pay the cost of redressing all those apartheid legacies. But what has been done for the people of Alex or Ficksburglately? And how well are councils managing these funds?

We all now accept that local government is an oxymoron and have set about doing the things councils should be attending to. We've taken the concept of public-private participation to a whole new level. It's now private citizens providing leadership, with some public participation, just to get a buy-in from the apparatchiks running your city. A campaign like LeadSA, commendable as it is, is only possible owing to an absence of leadership.

That's why we've got insurance companies doing everything from fixing potholes to providing pointsmen when the traffic lights are down (all those accident and damage claims do hurt the bottom line).

But we pay for it ultimately - it's called an insurance premium.

We've even found a way around the Pikitup stink. Some entrepreneurial souls (striking workers maybe?) have taken to using their bakkies and trucks to clear your garbage for a nominal fee. There go a few more notes out of your wallet for a service the city already charges you for.

(For a fascinating insight into how deep a crisis Jozi is in, read the latest Financial Mail.)

We are a bipolar republic. On the one hand, we can't get the basics right, but we still want to be the world's leading nanny state.

Consider the latest nanny state intervention on the cards: the proposed ban on alcohol advertising.

The Mother Grundies who punt this ban on alcohol advertising could make better use of their time fighting the scourge of illegal drugs in, say, the depressed areas of the Western Cape.

As far as I know, tik dealers don't advertise, but their product still sells and is EVIL. I've never seen an ad punting, "Primo tik ... call Pappa on 08 yadda yadda."

These clueless do-gooders would do better by turning their attention to the socioeconomic factors that go hand in hand with the abuse of substances and people, like widespread unemployment and the despair that it engenders.

No, we'll ban dop ads instead. Druggies are not looking at that glossy cognac ad in a magazine and thinking, "I'm gonna spend R1000 on that bottle of fine cognac, pour it all down my throat in one go and punch my neighbour."

Banning alcohol ads won't stop people from abusing alcohol; providing education and treatment will.

Lastly, I think it speaks volumes for those backing the ban that they project such low moral character onto all of us.

Now back to local elections.

Think about this before you vote:

• If they promised you tarred roads and a toilet and you've got dust and a pit;
• If the rubbish is piled so high outside your perimeter wall that a toddler could scale your electric fence;
• If you've never seen a metro cop enforce a non-traffic (by which I mean revenue) bylaw;
• If your city boasts a millionaire traffic cop - howzit, Durbs! - and the city fathers think it's fine; and
• If your local council has done nothing to improve your quality of life ...

Then I give you the words of Jack Nicholson's Joker: "This town needs an enema."