Growing pains

What do i do when my very self-willed 13-year-old granddaughter pings me on my cell at 3.40am?

SHRINK RAP

YOUR granddaughter clearly feels comfortable with you and sees you as a friend.

You come from a generation and a world your granddaughter cannot imagine.

That makes it difficult for her to appreciate what you value and expect from a relationship. Teenagers also are quite self-engrossed, dealing with changes in their bodies, emotional and social worlds and finding their place in the world. Technology has given them a power and independence that has never been experienced by previous generations to this degree.

The first step you need to take is to get out of judgment and punishment mode.

This approach will alienate her from you and create distance and a wariness in the relationship. To avoid this unintended consequence, you need to approach your granddaughter from the perspective of valuing the closeness in your relationship.

She needs also to understand that when closeness becomes over-familiarity, it can turn into unwelcome intrusion. Teach her how good relationships need to work for both participants, and discuss how you can maintain closeness while still respecting each others' boundaries. - Leonard Carr

SUPERNANNY

I SUGGEST you have a conversation with both your daughter and granddaughter, and put a guideline in place with your granddaughter that you are only available for an emergency call after a certain time in the evening, until whatever time you think is suitable in the morning.

By having this conversation in front of her mother, you will make your boundaries clear.

What restrictions and rules your own daughter puts in place is her decision as the parent. - Stephanie Dawson-Cosser