Need for Speed: The Run

In the early 1970s I saw Vanishing Point. In it, Barry Newman was a driver contracted to take a muscle car from Colorado to California. Next minute he was being pursued by half the police forces of North America and an assortment of others. Newman was guided by God through his radio. It all ended in major explosions on the outskirts of LA. It was an existentialist nightmare.

GAME: NEED FOR SPEED: THE RUN (PS3)

AGE: 16+

PRICE: R550

The 1971 Vanishing Point is actually a cult classic. Newman went into a hippie bar in Denver, got into a crazy bet that he could get the Dodge to LA in 15 hours, got hijacked by gay hitchhikers and assisted by a naked biker woman, took tons of benzedrine, and the radio voice was actually Cleavon Little.

The censors didn't believe we should see any of that. They left us with an inexplicable but exhilarating hour-long car race/chase.

Need for Speed: The Run has no such excuse for an incomprehensible plot and it's only an average racer.

You start off duct-taped to the wheel of a sports car that's been dumped into a crusher. After freeing yourself you're instructed to escape "the mob" by jumping into a different car, evading pursuers and dodging a train. What type of "mob" sends out enforcers in cars that a soccer mom would be ashamed to drive? But, hey, it's just the tutorial and this is your last sensible interaction with anyone.

Next minute you (playing Jack Rourke) accept the challenge of entering a transcontinental race to win $25-million. You and 249 others set off on the "run" of the title, from San Francisco to New York.

It's not a single race, but a series of short ones set in big cities, famous locations and the odd cornfield.

In between, you deal on foot with the mob and police. The graphics aren't great: everyone walks funny and all the women have ridiculously large breasts. If I want top-heavy anatomically implausible art, I'll view Rodin's Balzac. There again, I'm not a 14-year-old boy. Just mash buttons as instructed.

The racing isn't much better. The cars, which vary only in level (affecting speed) and class (affecting cornering), handle pretty much the same no matter which marque you choose. That's arrant nonsense, but no doubt appeases the car-makers.

Background graphics are sumptuous, but up-close it's not so good. The cars sometimes float above the tarmac.

Handling is not affected whether you side-swipe a chain-link fence or a solid wall, and you can uproot trees and streetlights without scratching a radiator. It's all about getting to the next marker or the finish within the time limit. Need for speed, indeed - amphetamines required to enjoy it.

THE GOOD

It's mercifully short.

THE BAD

Tiny writing; long load times and a checkpoint autosave feature that's more frustration than aid. No Cleavon Little on the radio.

RATING: 4.5