JONATHAN JANSEN | Nothing to fry when the egg always ends up on the face

On the other side of the world, at a sanctuary in Missouri, US, there is a fascinating story developing about a bald eagle. The suddenly cantankerous Murphy was squawking at other birds while remaining huddled on the ground. What was this strange behaviour all about? Murphy was about to be a dad! There was just one problem: the solid structure hatching under Murphy was not an egg but a rock.

I truly cannot think of a more striking metaphor for this impotent government of ours than a well-meaning eagle incubating a rock in the hope of a live chick eventually hatching from its labours.

These past weeks have been excruciatingly painful to watch. In Gauteng, as urban infrastructure collapses, we were treated to premier Panyaza Lesufi's show of 4,000 “crime-prevention wardens” being released onto the streets from unemployment one day to a few months of training, before being given a loaded gun to roll back crime the next day. Who are we fooling? Pictures of obese wardens made one wonder if some could make 400m around an athletics track before a different kind of arrest. But hey, what do you know, that hard rock might just be an egg!

Imagine being given, as a single provider, R2.4bn to provide meals to more than two-million of the poorest children in more than 5,400 KwaZulu-Natal schools and not deliver or be charged with dropping off rotten food.

A key witness in the corruption scandal being challenged at Fort Hare had his car rammed at speed by a bakkie, killing the poor soul. Highly suspicious was the muted comment from my sources at the famous university. After all the fanfare of a few weeks ago when high-profile figures were arrested, here is something we never thought about, apparently. That those sources need full police protection; that charges mean absolutely nothing if witnesses can be taken out; that maybe, after all, the media pretence of being serious about fighting corruption was enough if we could just convince people the stone was an egg.

In my province there was an outpouring of support for premier Alan Winde, who promised to send his LEAP (Law Enforcement Advancement Plan) officers to arrest Russian president Vlad Putin if he dared visit Cape Town for the Brics Summit later this year. Think about this for a moment. The man who represents a global superpower, with his itchy fingers on one of the world’s most frightening nuclear arsenals, is going to be arrested in Sea Point by a few locals from Manenberg and Mowbray? As several Twitterati correctly observed, we cannot even arrest Cape Town’s feared gang leaders, how on earth ... never mind. I’ll have that egg scrambled, please.

Imagine being given, as a single provider, R2.4bn to provide meals to more than two-million of the poorest children in more than 5,400 KwaZulu-Natal schools and not deliver or be charged with dropping off rotten food. With media exposure, this obvious scam led to an unholy scramble among the incompetent and corrupt. How did one company get such a huge award? This apparently is against procedure. Everybody weighed in, from the national department which funds the school nutrition programme to the Special Investigating Unit (SIU). Blame was liberally allocated while the provincial department appeared to slow-walk the process of handing over tender documents. Many investigations are under way. We are asked to believe that in one of the most corrupt provinces there is a genuine attempt to set things right and establish ethical governance, leadership and management. Nobody asks the most disturbing question of all: how on earth do you steal food from the mouths of the most vulnerable in your society? The lies being hatched along the way are countless despite the suffering imposed.

What I like about the story of Murphy is that his instinct is to protect, to care for and to bring to life something new. Day after day he distributed his body heat across the rock, doing all the necessary manoeuvres to ensure a healthy life for the little one. An injured bald eagle, which is why he is in the sanctuary, Murphy has the capacity to look beyond his needs to that of his anticipated offspring.

The instincts of our political classes are precisely the opposite. It is self-preservation, not the interests of others. The two premiers cited above are smart men who know their antics won’t achieve much, but there are broader political interests at stake, such as the 2024 national and provincial elections; that is what these displays of bravado (arrest Putin) and compassion (employ youth) are really about.

In the meantime, be wide awake when they come to poach your vote.

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