'Sometimes I wish I never experienced your love' — Nadia Nakai struggles to cope with loss of AKA

More than a month after the death of her rapper beau Kiernan “AKA” Forbes, Nadia Nakia said she has a hole in her heart that's not healing.

Taking to her Instagram timeline she said she wished she had not experienced her late boyfriend AKA's love because it would be easier to live without him. 

“Sometimes I wish I never experienced your love. I wish that you were just an acquaintance and I could say “Oh Supa Mega passed away, what a loss for the game”. If I didn’t love you, maybe it would be easier to continue my life without you. Now, because I had been loved by you, it’s just so hard. I have this hole in my heart that won’t let up. The world just doesn’t feel the same. I try to hold onto to my memories of when I was happy before you, maybe if I remember how it was before, I could be like that again.”

“But everything doesn’t feel real. I don’t know if seeing you everyday on social media is better or worse, I don’t know if reading our messages is healing or not. I know I need to get out my house soon, and I know the people that continue to hold me down, will be there for me, thank you, But I just feel like I’ll never be ready. What is my life going to look like now? time heals all, but time really takes it’s time, and I don’t know when I’ll ever be fine.”

AKA's parents Lynn and Tony Forbes appreciated Nadia's presence in their son's life on their Instagram accounts. 

“Nadia, from the first day that I met you I knew you were right for my boy. See that smile on his dial! Thank you for loving him, he loved you truly. We love you,” wrote Tony.

“I am forever indebted to you for the way you love and respect my son to this day. You showed him what real love and respect is and you brought out the absolute best in him,” wrote Lynn.