Where is the family love?

My boyfriend's brother hates me, and ignores me at family gatherings without reason. My boyfriend has spoken to him. I've put all engagement plans on hold.

SHRINK RAP

When you marry a person, you are buying into a whole package, which includes not only people and relationships, but family culture as well. Family culture involves the values and rules within the family, which would include things like loyalty and respect.

A drama seems to be playing out about insiders and outsiders .

A family is an ecology. No one can get away with something that goes against family values without the group's approval.

Your boyfriend's brother is either acting out the true family values, or challenging them. You need to watch how the scenario plays out before deciding to join this family, unless you choose to live in a long-running soap opera.

The most important person to watch is your boyfriend. He is challenged to show where his loyalty lies, and whether he has enough strength and self-respect to protect his relationship and what is important to him.

If he cannot stand up for himself and his own interests, he will not be able to protect or stand up for your interests. - Leonard Carr

SUPERNANNY

It is not realistic to expect to be good friends with everyone.

You're dating your boyfriend, not his brother. If you are assured your boyfriend does not hold the same values and traits as his brother, there is no need to curtail the relationship.

It would be sad if you had met the man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with and he with you - and because one of his relatives was rude, you cancelled everything.

Family gatherings are not an everyday occurrence. Outside of these events, you can choose whether or not to engage with his brother. Do not go seeking friendship. Wait for him to approach you.

In the meantime, concentrate on your boyfriend and keep your relationship happy and healthy. The fact that you can talk openly with him about such things, and he appears to understand, bodes well for the future of your relationship. - Stephanie Dawson-Cosser