Did I really cross the road for the anal swab?

I recently inquired about visiting one of the humongous chicken "farms" that supply some of the larger chains.

Germs

An event such as an Ebola outbreak can lead one to think about germs and other microbes more than usual. When it comes to the food-related invisible critters, our thoughts are usually terribly confused. The things we worry about when eating out are usually not the issues to fret about at all, and vice versa.

Take the plastic gloves favoured by many chains. They're a PR exercise. That dude in the salad section: he can scratch any part of his body, drop food on the floor and still use it, whatever - all with gloves on. The only thing those gloves are protecting are his hands. And yet large food companies are terribly (and I mean hazardous material level) worried about food safety.

I recently inquired about visiting one of the humongous chicken "farms" that supply some of the larger chains.

I was only mildly surprised to learn that I would have to abandon my civvies, shower with disinfectant, remove all jewellery, hair-clips and so on and (sans my own underwear) don a disinfected overall and boots (feeling like Meryl Streep in Silkwood at this point).

Slightly more freakish though was the instruction that I'd have to arrive with a doctor's certificate proving that I'd had a recent anal salmonella swab and passed with flying colours.

Did you know the chicken we eat is in such danger of contracting salmonella from showered and disinfected humans? Do you think workers on these farms are swabbed every morning? It is not as if I was planning to take a Jacuzzi with the chicks. I get that they have to protect the stock, I am just a little amazed at the nuclear plant level of concern. Is this normal? Maybe they simply don't want me to visit.

Meat

To salt or not to salt before cooking? It is one of the age-old questions that most home cooks are confused about. Many professional cooks, too. Logic tells us to believe the theory that salting ahead of cooking will draw out the juices and render the meat dry. And it is true, but only if the salting is not done far enough in advance.

What most chefs, meat specialists and scientists know is that salting way ahead of time - the day before - is where it is at. The salt draws out liquid from the cells, but then the liquid-thirsty and now somewhat altered cells draw the expunged liquid back in, meaning the meat is now fully moist again, but with saltiness all the way through. At the very least, salt one hour ahead. If you missed that window, then only salt upon cooking. Anything in between is disaster (you should only ever use a coarse, ground, additive-free salt). Try it and see.