The thing to remember about Jose Mourinho is that if his team doesn't win, it is always someone else's fault. The brilliant Portuguese diverts attention from any under-performance with the skill of a master magician. But how does he do this? Let us show you how, with five of Mourinho's best excuses.Floodlights: After a difficult win against QPR in October 2014: "I think the man responsible for the lights was in the same mood as the crowd. Everybody was sleeping. He took 20 minutes to understand it was dark."Team doctor, Eva Carneiro: "My medical department left me with eight fit outfield players in a counterattack after a set piece and we were worried we didn't have enough players left."The fixture list: After defeat to Real Betis Mourinho claimed: "It's obvious other teams are controlling the calendar. They are laughing behind my back."Buses: A goalless draw with Spurs at Stamford Bridge in 2004 prompted Mourinho to say: "Tottenham might as well have put the team bus in front of their goal."The pitch: After a 3-0 win over Espanyol he said: "The play was not good but I'm satisfied. The team was tired, We were up against a rival with nothing to lose and we were playing on a potato field."..