Mamelodi Sundowns are mugged by Maritzburg United. What? Kaizer Chiefs lose their third game in a row, showing no sign of "caretaker kick" - one of the game's most reliable phenomena? What the hell?
Steven Pienaar makes it 4-4 at the death with a deliciously impudent strike against Manchester United, thus combusting the English title race and creating the biggest Manchester derby in living memory.
Ek se: wat gat hier aan?
And what about Real Madrid deflowering Barcelona in their own 80000-seat bedroom? Qué?
Yes, this is Real we're talking about, not just any bunch of moegoes - and such a reversal of recent gran clasico history had to happen at some point. But still, it's hard to recall a critical contest in the last seven years in which the Catalans have seemed so weirdly uncertain and uneven.
Barca bossed the possession war as usual but could not exert their usual intensity of pressure because Jose Mourinho's charges at last managed to sustain their defensive shape and concentration throughout, despite taking an early lead. In previous skirmishes with Barca during the Mourinho era, Real have loosened up after going ahead, tempted by the pursuit of more goals and more vindication.
But this time the white ranks held their lines, barring one incursion by Alexis Sanchez.
Iker Casillas, Pepe, Sergio Ramos and Alvaro Arbeloa were immense. Their resilience turned the Nou Camp into a vindication stage for Cristiano Ronaldo. And his swaggering dominance presented us with the weird spectacle of a rattled and tetchy Leo Messi. Does this mean the Holy Hobbit's perch atop the football heap is suddenly threatened by the Preening Portugeezer?
Forget about it. Messi will resume normal service soon - probably by inflicting some cruel and unusual punishment on Chelsea tonight.
But the Blues bring more than enough heart, intelligence and power to force another captivating, momentous battle at the Camp Nou.
It's not surprising that Roberto di Matteo has a tiny little smile installed permanently on his mug these days.
Three years ago the Italian was coaching Milton Keynes Dons. Tonight he has a (slim) chance to evict Barcelona from the Champions' League. If Chelsea manage a draw, Di Matteo would enter the coaching stratosphere. He would be in a position to demand an unearthly salary from Roman Abramovich. The boss would frown, then shrug, then nod.
And it's far from impossible that Chelsea's recent dominance against the Catalans - dating back to Mourinho's tenure - will persist for another 90 minutes. Pep Guardiola has yet to beat the Blues since he took over from Frank Rijkaard: in three attempts, he has drawn two and lost one.
Remarkably, Messi hasn't scored against Chelsea in seven attempts.
Don't count on an eighth blank. The Holy Hobbit is pissed off.
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