Many marriages begin with a drink. Without the pop of a cork, or the unscrewing of a cap, few couples might make it past the first date, let alone to (or through) the child-rearing years. So, a week into Sober October, thousands of brave "Soberheroes" are probably gaining a fresh perspective not just on their own drinking habits, but also those of their other half.Similar sobriety months happen in January, to "detox" after the festive season bingeing, and in February - because it's the month with the fewest days to endure without a drink.A recent 10-year study of 2700 couples by University of Michigan researchers found that those who drink together stay together. As do those who don't drink at all. It seems to be the synchronicity, rather than arguments over chardonnay or sauvignon blanc, that's key.Mismatched drinking habits, meanwhile, might suggest a marriage that is on the rocks. When analysts at the University of Buffalo in New York followed 634 newlyweds through the first nine years of marriage, they found that nearly 50% of those in which one partner drank more heavily than the other were divorced by the end of the study (compared with 30% of those who drank the same amounts).So, can coming off the drink - especially if your partner doesn't - put strain on a relationship?Alcohol is "very much part of our culture", says Sarah Turner, of Harrogate Sanctuary, a service for women concerned about their drinking. "Very often, relationships are formed around drinking: they have a couple of glasses of wine; inhibitions go."So it stands to reason that the converse could be true.Turner says difficulties can arise when partners drink for different reasons - when one can take it or leave it, while the other drinks "to self-medicate".Louise Ash, 51, from Exeter, knew her husband Martin, 54, had begun drinking too much because he was depressed about his mother's death, but says it was impossible to discuss it as he refused to admit he had an issue. "He only believed it when he heard it from a doctor," she says.They both subsequently became teetotal. However, after five years of joint abstinence, Martin decided he could drink again, in moderation, as he was healthier, psychologically."He's no longer dependent, true," Ash says. "But I still think his default desire is to escape. There's a point at which I feel I lose him to the alcohol. It makes me tense and resentful. So I cut off. He becomes brasher, slightly less kind. It's not his behaviour on the drink - it's to do with trust. It feels like a betrayal."Raymond Dixon, a counsellor at Nightingale Hospital in London, says: "One of the biggest hallmarks of excessive drinking is denial. There doesn't have to be screaming rows and people vomiting all over the living room. Some people just retreat into themselves and don't communicate. And they feel there isn't a problem."He also says it is a myth that depression always lies behind excessive drinking."Addiction is not always born out of unhappiness or trauma. Sometimes it's purely an inability to control alcohol."Antonia Wills, 45, from Leeds, married to Lucas, 47, has been teetotal for nearly five months."Our habitual at-home drinking grew together," she says. "And I don't honestly think my husband thought it was a problem. I don't think he realised how much I was drinking." In fact it was up to two bottles of wine a night, while Lucas drank a couple of beers."When I told him I need to stop drinking, it was big for us as a couple, for socialising, for holidays." Overall, the changes have improved their relationship: "I'm much happier, more confident," she says. "When I drank, I was paranoid, in chaos. I'm a lot more tranquil and, therefore, so is our life at home."So a difference in drinking habits within a couple can work - but perhaps only if both partners are confident that neither one has a problem. - ©The Daily Telegraph..