‘Raise boys to become the men our daughters deserve’: Plea from end-GBV experts

Teaching boys how to inhabit their masculinity responsibly is vital to curb the menace of gender-based violence (GBV), experts say, with respectful interactions in the home a much-needed intervention.

“By having meaningful and direct conversations with young men and boys and helping them to become affirmed, well-adjusted and conscious members of our society, we empower them to be the responsible allies we need to eradicate violence against women and girls,” said Dr Ntombifikile Mtshali, CEO of Shout-It-Now.

“GBV devastates the lives of girls, women, families, communities and the country,” she said.

Mtshali said to have any chance of eradicating GBV, South Africa needs to stop acting like prevention is the responsibility of victims.

“Women do not abuse themselves so we must turn the lens to where the challenge begins. The face of GBV is overwhelmingly female and specifically black female, with one in five women having experienced physical violence by an intimate partner.

“Awareness of this reality is critical, so while we must continue running campaigns geared towards changing societal and gender norms and having conversations with older men that raise awareness about patriarchy and power dynamics, focusing on this adult segment is too late to really have a meaningful impact. What we need to do is shift our efforts to younger men and boys,” she said.

Mtshali said the experiences of boys in their childhood will influence the men they become. 

According to Mtshali, boys are products of their cultural environment and in South Africa these immediate environments are often violent.

“Watching the actions of fathers, father figures, role models and mentors in their own homes, boys will replicate these behaviours. It is not just acts of violence. These older male figures are teaching lessons and setting examples by how they engage with and talk to their wives, girlfriends, aunts, sisters, grandmothers and daughters. Men are regarded as being in charge, as being superior, being stronger and providing more value, all of which implies women and girls fill the opposite role.”

Mtshali said the starting point is within homes.

“It is the essential duty of parents and guardians to lead by example so children mimic good and acceptable behaviours, and it is key they address GBV head-on. Talk about what contributes to violence against women and girls, male privilege and toxic masculinity, what sexuality and consent mean, and gender roles and family dynamics.”

Mtshali said the lesson to teach is that it is not only how you treat women, but how you treat all people from all walks of life as equals and worthy of the same level of respect.

“Show young men and boys they do not always have to be tough, strong and dominant. Show that vulnerability, emotion and fear are within the range of what is perfectly normal and acceptable human emotion.

“We need to cultivate a space where women and men are equally respected, and where a mother’s opinion holds equal weight to the father’s. This will only happen if we raise our boys to become the men our daughters deserve.”

This knowledge, she said, must be shared in safe and supported spaces, where boys can talk openly about their feelings, fears and anxieties, and where they can share emotions in a healthy way.

“By teaching boys how to inhabit their masculinity respectfully and responsibly, we can influence how they see themselves and, ultimately, the kinds of men they grow up to become,” said Mtshali.

Dr Ntlotleng Mabena from Networking HIV & Aids Community of Southern Africa's (Nacosa) GBV programme, encourages collective responsibility and for individuals from all walks of life to acknowledge their role in preventing GBV.

“Every contribution, voice and action matters. It takes a village to raise a child, but it also takes a village to end GBV.

“It is a physical and emotional assault on individuals and also a factor in HIV transmission. We believe communities have a vital role to play in preventing and responding to violence against women and children.” 

The organisation works in 87 post-violence care facilities across the country, providing services to more than 30,000 survivors of violence annually.

“Children, adolescent girls and young women remain particularly vulnerable. Last year 70% of survivors in the post-violence care centres where Nacosa operates were under the age of 24, with 90% being female,” said Mabena. 

Nacosa's data reveals sexual violence accounted for 61% of cases in the facilities where its GBV programme operates and almost a third of cases (30%) involved intimate partner violence. In 76% of cases, the perpetrator was known to the victim. 

Research statistics indicate there is an increase in GBV cases during the festive season, a notable trend for many years in South Africa, said director of Khulisa Social Solutions, Lesley Ann van Selm.

“In general during the festive season, alcohol intoxication and substance abuse increase, which can lead to harmful behaviours and violence with families. As schools are closed, children are home more often, which can add to family tensions and increased financial pressures. Both of these circumstances have been found to influence domestic violence. While on school holidays, youth experience more idle time, which in impoverished communities can lead to more harmful behaviour, especially when substances are common in the community,” she said.

A focus on prevention was recently highlighted by Limpopo police commissioner Lt-Gen Thembi Hadebe, who said the province has seen a rise in reported cases of GBV and femicide.

“It is critical we continue to reach out to our communities through awareness campaigns, bringing a multidimensional element in our approach to neutralise this scourge within our community,” she said.

“We must pay particular attention to our investigation capability to enhance our detection rate and in turn the conviction rate by our courts.”

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