Help for abused women over the festive season

The start of the festive season is dreaded by victims of domestic abuse as increased “togetherness” ramps up the abuse and makes it harder for the victim to seek help.

With this in mind, insurer 1st for Women and the Tears Foundation are drawing attention to a new USSD functionality which allows victims of abuse to reach out for help discreetly and free of charge, as well as a tool that offers a series of short, interactive and animated videos, with subtitles, in case the user needs to watch the video in private.

“As we approach the end of the annual 16 Days of Activism, it’s worthwhile to keep in mind that violence against women and children continues, unabated, 365 days a year and spikes over the December festive season,” said Mara Glennie, founder and CEO of Tears Foundation, which offers a free 24-hour national abuse assistance service.

At this time of year, the number of calls from abuse victims escalates alarmingly, with Tears usually receiving about 40,000 calls over the season due to the spike in alcohol consumption, financial pressures and that during December families are often cooped up together for longer periods which worsens stress, tension and conflict.

“This year, we expect this number to increase because of the operational challenges the gender-based violence command centre (GBVCC) are experiencing,” Glennie said.

There is also a spike in the number of dropped or missed calls over this time, because victims are more likely to be in proximity with their abusers, making it harder for them to step away or find a safe space to find help.

But free help is at hand, thanks to USSD technology.

Tears can be contacted by dialling *134*7355# and selecting option 2 or via https://tears.storefind.mobi/. This year, 1st for Women and Tears have launched another abuse intervention called SPEAK UP. This digital tool offers a series of short, interactive and animated videos with subtitles in case the user needs to watch the video in private. Available free on zero-rated sites the videos can be accessed by dialling *134*7355# and selecting option 3.

To victims of gender-based violence, Tears offers advice:

It is not your fault

When you are in an abusive relationship, you might find you blame yourself for it because your partner manipulates you into believing it is your fault. Abuse is never your fault. There is nothing you could do or say that would make it OK for someone to hurt you in any way.

Do not feel guilty

Feeling guilty about the abuse can also make you feel shameful about opening up to others about it. There is nothing to be ashamed of. You did not choose to be in a relationship with an abuser. It is not your fault.

Make notes

Write down everything you can about the abusive incidents when your abuser is not around. Take screenshots of any abusive messages they send to you. If you are being physically abused, take pictures of the marks on your body and see a healthcare practitioner. The evidence can help you when you need to file a report with the police or get a protection order. Even if you have not written anything down before, write down what you remember from previous abusive episodes. You might already have messages as proof, keep those too. Remember to keep those notes and images out of your partner’s sight.

Safety planning

This a crucial step for someone involved in an abusive relationship. Do not tell your partner you are leaving. Trust your instincts. Practise how to get out safely, with your children. Teach your children that violence is never right, even when someone they love is being violent. Tell them neither you, nor they, are at fault or the cause of the violence, and when anyone is being violent it is important to stay safe. Put together an emergency bag with money/credit cards/debit cards, extra keys, medicine and important papers such as birth certificates. Keep it somewhere safe and accessible. Consider speaking to a trained domestic violence counsellor to create a detailed safety plan.

During the holiday season, Tears will remain open 24/7.

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