If SA wants to stop GBV, it must first address men’s anger

Anger, caused by a clash of traditional cultural values and those of a more modern society, is at the root of gender-based violence in SA.

So says Jacob Tema, a social worker based at Rays of Hope, a non-profit company that runs empowerment programmes in Alexandra, Johannesburg.

Gender-based violence and femicide have been cast into the spotlight in recent weeks as more cases of horrific crimes against women continue to emerge.

Public service and administration minister Ayanda Dlodlo on Monday highlighted the plight of SA women when she delivered a keynote address during a Public Service Women in Leadership event in Pretoria.

“We have the highest rates of femicide and gender-based violence in the world. It is more dangerous to be a woman in SA than any other place on this planet,” she said.

“How does a country of brave and courageous people not find justice and peace for its women?” she asked.

Dlodlo said the murders of Nosicelo Mtebeni and Babita Deokaran are some of the known recent incidents of GBV that have intensified calls for justice and protection of women.

Tema believes the ubiquity of gender-based violence and child abuse cannot be changed “until we understand the root cause of the perpetrators’ anger, because it is only a deeply angry person that will choose to inflict physical and emotional abuse on another person — even more so if the victim is a family member.

“We need to do more than run campaigns to teach women to be stronger, and to arm themselves or learn self-defence tactics — those steps may make a difference in the short term, but they do not address the deep issues of anger flowing through our society, or the fear it causes.

“We need to address the anger first, and teach new ways of thinking and being, to eliminate domestic violence.”

Tema believes that a clash of traditional cultural values and those of a more modern society is a root cause of anger.

“Understand the contrast of a traditional household, where the man of the house sleeps on the bed and his wife is expected to sleep on the floor, responding to his physical needs when poked with a stick, against that woman’s working environment in a corporate office just five kilometres away in Sandton, where she is treated as an equal among her colleagues.

“That woman is sure to start rebelling against her subordinate role at home, which is going to cause stress in the relationship with her husband — who is unaccustomed to having his authority questioned.”

Tema said other complexities arise when both partners in a relationship are employed and the woman earns more than her husband, who ascribes to traditional norms that he should be the breadwinner, while his partner should still be responsible for all the household chores and child-rearing, in addition to her work.

“The time is sure to come — particularly if she earns more than him — where she is going to insist that he help with household chores — and he is likely to refuse because doing so would be against cultural norms.

We need to address the anger first, and teach new ways of thinking and being to eliminate domestic violence.

—  Jacob Tema, social worker

“This traditional patriarchy forms another backdrop to gender-based violence in homes where women who don’t work are completely dependent on their partners. They believe their partners are entitled to discipline them physically as they belong to them, and are there to do the man’s bidding.

“The tragedy of this type of violence is that children see it and accept it as normal, and grow up to behave in the same way: men who inflict violence on their partners, and women who accept abuse as a normal and justified part of life,” said Tema.

Through various programmes offered through Rays of Hope’s community-based approach, he wants to reach the men by teaching them that they are capable of loving, that they can adapt to a developing environment and, most importantly, that they can learn tools to manage and minimise the anger that so often leads to tragic violence.

“Men need to know that they’re important and that they matter in a family context, even if they are unemployed or their partner is making more of a financial contribution than they are.

“They also need to learn to see their partners as equals, regardless of who is providing an income or who is doing which chores around the home. Families are built on partnerships, and in situations where our counselling has been taken to heart, we have seen the most wonderful results.”

Tema has been advocating for counselling and diversion programmes, rather than pursuing criminal justice for perpetrators, wherever possible.

“When successful, these programmes shift behaviour, while keeping family units intact — a vital consideration in communities where single-parent or child-headed households are already the norm.

“However, because patriarchy and tradition are so often at the root of perpetrators’ anger, male perpetrators who agree to be a part of these programmes insist on only being counselled by male social workers — who are in very short supply.

“Within Rays of Hope, we are ‘training trainers’ to help manage these programmes, but we need more funding to identify and employ more male social workers, so that we can work more effectively with men.”