I'm a terrible tourist. I do minimal research and generally travel to cities with no expectations, other than some vague postcard images or memories from TV or movies, filed in the back of my mind.
And the knowledge that Tripadvisor and Uber are on my home screen to help, and Instagram is one button and a hashtag away for everyone else's well-framed memories of the place, should I need the steer.
Which is why, 20 minutes after I arrived in Budapest, I had to Google "What is the currency here?"
Turns out, it's the Hungarian Forint (HUF), and 10,000 of them is about R500.As an aside, it's an absolutely magnificent city, and it's not particularly expensive, which is a blessing for us South Africans attempting to travel on the junked-up rand.
But with all the zeros involved, it helps if you're good at maths.
Despite my general ignorance, there are two things I always plan on doing when I arrive in a new city.
One is taking the hop-on, hop-off bus. I know it's lame and touristy, but if you're only in town for a few days, I find it's the best way to get the lay of the land in a few hours, and then you can decide where you want to explore further.More importantly, you can hop off for a cocktail whenever the urge grabs you.
The other thing I always plan on doing is walking my guts out. I like to go as deep into local territory as possible, because that's where the real surprises are.That's how I ended up taking a turn off the beaten track and walking down some quiet back street in Budapest at dusk, and how I came across an odd-looking place called Zoo Café."What kind of tea would you like? Here's a gecko." The waiter said, depositing a 15cm lizard on my table.
All the walls in Zoo Café are lined with aquariums, cages and terrariums and the young, tattooed waiters do their rounds carrying various creatures on their sleeves and in their pockets.
They then leave them at each table with polite instructions (mostly in Hungarian) on the animal's make, model, dietary concerns and care instructions. ("Please don't turn the turtle over." "This snake doesn't look friendly, but she is." "That is a boy iguana." "Please don't let the guinea pig drink your tea.")
A couple of ancient resident cats cruise the joint too.
As one cosied up to me and instantly started shedding on my lap, I worried about the reptile I was holding.
I didn't want to be that guest who "lost" her gecko.
But I guess, when you work in an all-you-can-eat steak buffet, after a while you get pretty tired of steak. The cats seemed more interested in the cream off the kid's milkshake at the next table.And so the waiters did their rounds, delivering a procession of animals. I only turned away the snakes and spiders - forgive me but they give me the heebie-jeebies.
In the course of an hour, I had a gecko, a cat, a green turtle, a guinea pig, a huge lizard, a giant chameleon, a parrot, two toucans, a cup of tea and a bran muffin.
"Would you like a rabbit?" asked one of the waiters, as I was getting ready to call for the bill (he, he, the bill).
"No thank you," I said. "I couldn't eat a whole one." 
• Do you have a funny or quirky story about your travels? Send 600 words to travelmag@sundaytimes.co.za and include a recent photograph of yourself for publication with the column...