The journey so far: what I would tell my younger self

Nomndeni Mdakhi

Businesswoman and founder of Agenda Women, an online platform for connecting women

Dear Nomndeni

Yes, I used your full name. I know you haven’t always loved it. It is long and no-one could ever remember it and that won’t change, but YOU will change. You’ll learn that your name becomes you and, boy, does this name pave the way for a life filled with warmth and love. No-one knows this, but you have deep fears about success. In a world where your ambitions aren’t reflected in stories of women who look like you, you carry a numbing feeling of despondency about your future. The successful women aren’t brown and small and skinny like you. It’s the light-skinned and taller and more confident girls that life always seems so kind to.

You don’t know this yet, but this very same feeling is starting a fire inside you. It will lead you to build platforms that amplify stories of great women from all walks of life. You’ll lose the people around you. Your uncles, your aunt and your favourite and dear grandparents will pass on, all in a very short space of time. It will unsettle you. You’ll feel alone. You will define yourself by this loss for a long time, and it’s OK. What do you do when your whole world is pulled from under your feet as a teenage girl trying to find her way in the world? But you’ll keep moving forward because, as you’ll later discover, resilience is one of your superpowers. Every challenge will be set up perfectly to cultivate empathy in you.

The work you’ll do around the world will not be successful unless you understand what it feels like to need help. You will travel and make friends in cities you never imagined you’d see. You will sit in rooms with inspiring and bold women. Your life story will inspire others to live boldly, and these people will in turn help you. The companies you engage with, the random Uber drivers, the women you meet at your events, the social media followers and random strangers who will ask you what your name means. Just for the record, you will later learn your name means “the mother of a family”, and your family will extend way beyond those people you lost. The spaces and platforms you create will feel like family to many others who battle with confidence issues and never feel bold enough to show up for themselves. This, Nomndeni, will be your legacy – you understood how to use your experiences as the springboard to your success. It will be your ability to be empathetic and how it will move you to create opportunity for others. This will be your contribution to the change that the world so desperately seeks for the attainment of equality.

Lesego Tlhabi

Actress and comedian best known for creating the character Coconut Kelz

Dear Lesego

My message to you is that you don’t need advice. Life will be filled with many moments to celebrate, but you’ll also face disappointment, be disappointed, and you’ll disappoint those closest to you. I write this to say that doesn’t matter. Everything, good and bad, will lead you to this moment and this point in your career, which is full of wins. Just enjoy every day and everything because it’s all going to lead you right here. Take lots of videos and photos because your memory isn’t great. I love you.

Stephen Billingham

Chef and owner of HTA School of Culinary Art

Dear Stephen, my younger self in the year 2001

My oh my!

If I could give you some advice to assist you in advancing yourself beyond your time, I’d like to suggest that you strongly consider the following suggestions as you grow both personally and professionally into not only a new decade but also a new century.

Remember that everything happens for a reason. Don’t think so much! Sometimes it’s OK to just be! Smile more, worry less, you silly sod! Never judge yourself against others but only against what you know you’re capable of. Most importantly, do it for the love and the passion and not for the money because success will naturally come with hard work and so will the money. Trust me on that one. Listen to all the advice and criticism that comes your way but also know when to ignore it. Completely. Embrace and acknowledge your elders — you’ll learn and grow from them.

Happiness isn’t a destination but a lifelong journey. Celebrate all your victories in life, no matter how big or small. Marry for love, not money! Love is all you need. Cherish your family; they are your biggest and most loyal supporters. Just know dreams do come true, so have fun along the way too. Travel the world.

Stephen, give people a second chance, but not a third. Write things down more. Stand up straight, drink more water and exercise. Most importantly never forget where you come from and let your past always keep you grounded and humble. In closing and as your grandmother told you, look after your teeth, skin and feet. Enjoy the ride!

Matsi Modise

Businesswoman, founder and CEO of Furaha Afrika Holdings

Dear Matsi, 

You always knew you would be someone great. You always knew yours was a special path. You always knew your dreams and ambitions were valid. You always knew the world was your oyster and the globe your playground. At the tender age of 36, you are an entrepreneur, you are an enabler, you are a creator. You empower others with opportunities to better themselves and to better their lives. You are a national and international leader. Many invite you to sit at the table, because you belong at the table. Your future is bright. It is only the beginning, and the best is yet to come.

With all the milestones that you have achieved, your journey has not been the easiest. Your wounds are still unravelling and creating a tapestry of the lessons you learn along the way. Yours is a beautiful tapestry, colourful but with stripes of black, white and grey.

What I would tell my 16-year-old self is that the journey of love starts inside. When you love yourself, the world will have no choice but to love you at your level of love. Your standards are not everyone’s standards, your values are not everyone’s values. People will drop you. People will disappoint you. The common denominator here is YOU. Manage your expectations, you will never be disappointed. In a world of flakes and phonies be the good person. In a world of darkness and evil, be the light. In a world where many settle, vibe high, you will find your tribe. In a world that encourages and settles for bad and cruel behaviour, do the good deeds. Everyone is on a journey. Don’t carry their cross. Forgive them and move on. Do it for yourself. Travel light, sunshine. The world is waiting for you.

Simphiwe Majozi

Actor best known for his role in Uzalo

Dear Simphiwe

Your parents truly love you and want the best for you. Listen to them, trust them, love them and honour them always, but don’t forget you’ll soon have to be on your own to face this world alone. Work hard and carefully to figure out a life and career you’ll love. This will involve trying new things. You’ll have very different jobs in your life as a foundation to build the life you want. Enjoy each one of the jobs you try because each one will move you forward to what comes next. Never forget where you come from. Let the past keep you grounded and humble. Keep going with an attitude of kindness no matter what you’re faced with. Always remember to be loving and compassionate to everyone in your space and whoever you come across.

Lerato Nxumalo

Actress

Dear Lerato

It’s OK to be different. Don’t shrink yourself to fit in. It’s not your fault that your light shines so bright, don’t try to dim it to make others comfortable. Believe in yourself and always remember God has a purpose for your life; put him first and you will get through your best and worst days. People’s opinions about you don’t define who you are. You’re beautiful, talented and highly favoured. Always remember to work hard and become a leader — be lazy and become a slave. All opportunities are disguised as hard work, and that’s why some people miss them. With faith you’ve already achieved your wildest dreams. God doesn’t make mistakes. You are deserving. You are the chosen one.