How parents can cut the knife-edge atmosphere of matric exams

You are not the driver, but the support team.

That’s the advice from the South African College of Applied Psychology (Sacap) for parents of matric pupils.

As the country’s parents bear witness to their children navigating this challenging finale to school life, many are feeling uncertain of their role and ambivalent about whether they should lean in or back off.

Matric exams start on October 27 and apart from it being a stressful time for pupils, it can be equally taxing for parents.

Jogini Packery, a counselling psychologist and head of student service at Sacap, said parents have a pivotal role to play, “but that may not be what you think it is”. 

“What is crucial to keep in mind is that your role is to empower and enable their best possible performance. You are not the driver, but the support team. 

“As parents, we often feel like we always need to have the answers and are responsible for directing the action. 

“When it comes to matric exams though, we have to find our way to let our children own their process, even if they approach it very differently from how we would do it. 

“While matric exams are the end of school days, this transition represents the beginning of a new phase in your child’s life.

“Matric exams are a trial of life and your child can get through them with increased self-awareness and confidence that they can bring to bear as they forge on to become a young adult.”

Packery believes open communication is at the root of surviving the matric experience. 

“It works best if parents ask how their child wants to be supported instead of assuming and deciding for them. 

“Aim to do more listening than talking and try to ask coaching questions instead of dispensing advice.” 

Parents of this digital-native generation can expect that the way their children approach their studies may be quite different to how they tackled their exam preparation. 

“Sometimes, parents can be too quick to jump in with advice drawn from their experiences when this may not be relevant. Parents need to be aware of their impact and know when to pull back so they don’t contribute to their child’s stress.”

Packery said there is a lot that parents can do to promote conducive conditions for their child to study well and perform optimally in the exams.

It works best if parents ask how their child wants to be supported instead of assuming and deciding for them.

—  Jogini Packery, counselling psychologist

“They can champion their child’s self-care by facilitating home life so they can eat healthily, keep physically active and get sufficient sleep. 

“They can make it clear they are there for support, open to talking through anxieties and roadblocks, or helping their child access professional support if that’s necessary.”

Having a positive attitude towards matric studies and exams is not about pretending they are going to easy.

“There are inevitably going to be some rough times, no matter how thoughtfully parents are maintaining a conducive environment and good communications.

“Parents can provide essential support in helping their child to constantly re-evaluate what is working for them and what is not. Mental agility and flexibility are at the core of resilience. If something your child is doing is not serving their purpose, then you can encourage them to set healthy boundaries and rewards. 

“For instance, taking a break to watch a favourite programme can help reset emotionally, but binge-watching a whole series can lead them into deeper stress. The reward is important, and so is the boundary.”

Parents also have an important role to play in taking action if their child experiences distress, anxiety, burnout or depression that require more help than they can provide. 

“Reaching out to a support system or getting professional help is an important step to take if the stress has tipped over into too much stress.

“There’s always a knife-edge atmosphere to the matric exams.

“It’s important to manage the expectations, our own and our child’s. Getting through the next weeks doesn’t have to be hell.  The challenge is a valuable learning and developing experience. 

“Agility, thoughtfulness, kindness and care will help to strengthen parent and child.”