A five-year-old girl is at the centre of a tug of war between her feuding separated parents over who she should live with and where she should go to school.
But now a judge has ruled she will live with her mother and start grade 1 this week at a school in Umhlanga.
Pietermaritzburg high court judge Rob Mossop, who heard an urgent application brought by both parents last week, said the urgency was self-created because both had known for a long time that the child was due to start her formal education at the beginning of the year.
However, he said, because the matter involved the best interests of a child, he had agreed to hear it and make a same-day ruling.
Mossop said neither parent had demonstrated they truly had the best interests of their child at heart.
Referring to the judgment of Solomon from the Bible, where it was proposed a child be cut in two to resolve a dispute between two women over who was the mother, he said: “It appears likely that they both would have embraced Solomon’s proposal that the minor child be cut in two rather than yield to the other ... they are both adults yet have not conducted themselves as adults would ... and require the court to make decisions for them.”
The parties seem willing to make any allegation that has the effect of casting the other in a bad light. It is difficult to understand how they believe that this is in the best interests of the child.
— Judge Rob Mossop
The couple, who separated when the child was 14 months old, never married.
The mother moved to La Mercy and the father remained in Howick.
The arrangement at the time was that they share the care of the child and she spend one week with the father and the next with the mother.
Last year, she was enrolled by her father at a pre-primary school in Howick, where she only attended every second week.
Her mother homeschooled her but enrolled her at Atholton Primary School in Umhlanga for the 2023 academic year.
“While the parties appear incapable of agreeing on anything, they are, surprisingly, both in agreement this phase of life, where she migrated between their respective homes on a weekly basis has to come to an end.
“The child needs a permanent home and must attend school as close as possible to her home,” Mossop said.
He said while both had strong bonds with her, it appeared the father was in a stronger financial position, while the mother lived in rented accommodation with her mother.
The ongoing warring between the two was evidenced by the father claiming the grandmother had twice been convicted of fraud, stating the child would be raised in a household lacking in morals and ethics.
“Not to be outdone, [the mother] put up indistinct photographs which she claims depicts traces of cannabis she alleges [the father] uses. I confess that after scrutinising the photograph I am not able to see this,” the judge said.
“The parties seem willing to make any allegation that has the effect of casting the other in a bad light. It is difficult to understand how they believe that this is in the best interests of the child.”
Regarding the father’s allegations against the granny, Mossop said he found them “disgraceful and disrespectful” and unnecessary.
“Even if I am wrong, it ought to have been raised in a more measured and less offensive manner. Support systems are vital when it comes to rearing children ... rather than view her presence in the [mother’s] life as a negative feature, I view it as a positive.”
He said it was “bizarre” that the father had enrolled the child in a school last year when she could only attend every second week.
“It is difficult to understand what benefit that could possibly hold for her ... it must have been confusing ... she would constantly be behind her fellow pupils, which may have affected her self-confidence.”
He agreed with submissions by the mother that this was a strategy to strengthen the father’s position in the forthcoming battle over where the child should live and attend school.
He said while there had in recent years been a move away from what had been a general “maternal preference rule”, given the circumstances and the personalities involved in this case, he believed it was in the best interests of the child to grant primary residence to the mother and that the child be enrolled at the Umhlanga school.
However the father must be given as much contact as possible.
“I urge both parties to take a moment to reflect on the status of their relationship and try to improve it. They will have dealings with each other for many years to come. Their relationship would be enhanced and be more tolerable if they interacted as friends, rather than as embittered former partners.”
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