Sleeping apart can spice up your sex life

It's a bedroom secret that a few couples will admit to. And it's not even particularly kinky or risque. The unmentionable trend sweeping the world is that couples are sleeping apart. Not in separate beds; in separate bedrooms.

The couples fear to confess because people will say they have sexual problems in their relationship. "We prefer not to sleep together," is all they say. The sex continues (even better than before), some will say. It's the actual sleeping part that bothers them.

So, it's refreshing when a couple openly discuss their decision not to share the bed.

Actress Helena Bonham Carter and her husband, film director Tim Burton, not only sleep in separate bedrooms, but also sleep in separate houses. And there's a third house for their two children and their nanny! Before you dismiss them as a dysfunctional family, they will explain that all three houses are small and joined by a common area, a large hallway, where they have fun together. But when they need some peace and quiet, they retreat into their own private worlds.

The couple have been on the publicity trail this month for theirnew movie, Alice in Wonderland, but their sleeping arrangements have aroused almost as much curiosity as the retelling of this famous tale.

Tim, 51, and Helena, 43, said their separate dwellings "just happened".

Tim bought the house next door to Helena's and they just joined them. Each has its own decor: hers is in Beatrix Potter-style, his is a weird world of skeletons and strange lighting.

Tim is an insomniac who likes to pace around and watch TV at night when he is not in bed snoring, so the decision to keep their own bedrooms was easy.

Tim counters that Helena talks too much and he needs some "peace and quiet". And the children, aged six and two, can do their own thing in their adjoining house, making their Hampstead complex one of the most original in London.

But the couple insist it works perfectly. "He always visits, which is really touching. He's always coming over," said Helena in an interview with the Daily Mail. Friends say that they are totally in love.

The couple say their household setup doesn't keep them apart, but makes spending time together more special. Said Helena: "It's really enchanting. It's such a nice life and we have fun. We are soulmates."

With so few people admitting to sleeping apart, it's hard to judge just how well it works. We all know that the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh have separate quarters, but that was only discovered when a man invaded her room.

American designer Diane von Furstenberg is one example of a woman in a loving relationship who likes to sleep apart from her husband. She sleeps above her shop in New York, while her husband lives at the Carlyle Hotel.

This, she told Town & Country magazine, is because "he respects me so much". Presumably they find the time to share a bed once in a while.

Still not too sure that this is a serious trend? Well, listen to the experts. A survey by the US National Sleep Foundation in 2001 found that 12% of married Americans were sleeping alone. By 2005, it had grown to 23%.

The New York Times recently cited a survey of builders and architects in which they predicted that by 2015, 60% of custom-built houses would have two master bedrooms.

They say that most new condominium projects already have apartments with two equal bedrooms.

Few people will admit they are aimed at "him" and "her". They refer to them as guest rooms or study dens, but a growing number of people are secretly using them as the second "master suite".

But why is there still a stigma involved in admitting that you and your partner sleep apart?

Psychologists say it's because most people will instinctively assume there's something missing in the marriage, namely sex.

In reality, however, the opposite is probably true. Couples who have made the break claim that it has spiced up their love lives. They go on "dates" and tussle about whose room they will sleep in. Sex is no longer confined to bedtime, and a good night's sleep makes both partners easier to live with.

Among the reasons cited for having separate bedrooms are that partners prefer differing sleeping environments and decor, being disturbed by a partner's intrusive snoring and making it easier to cope with babies and different bedtime habits.

When one partner prefers total darkness and quietness, the spouse's late-night reading, TV watching, eating or pacing around the room can drive them crazy. And a quiet knock on the door twice a week can be far sexier than a half-awake fumble under the duvet every few nights.