Poor little poor kid

My daughter was invited to a rich child's 6th birthday party. When she saw the gifts being unwrapped she burst into tears, saying the storybook she was giving wasn't good enough. I was furious. Why give such expensive gifts to children?

SHRINK RAP SAYS:

It seems that even before the present opening, your buttons had been pushed. You seem to be very disdainful of these "rich" people with whom your daughter mixes and the fact that they give expensive gifts.

Your daughter's distress reflects feelings of being "less than", lacking and inadequate - not being able to compete with people of greater means. It is possible that your daughter is actually taking in and reacting to your issues which seem to centre around the same issues.

The challenge is to give your daughter the sense that material objects do not substitute for substance or value in relationships, they merely symbolise and communicate what people wish to express in a relationship. What is important therefore is that there is substance and meaning to the relationship.

In order to feel that your relationships have substance and value you as a person, you need to believe in and experience yourself as having intrinsic worth.

If you do that you will be comfortable with any gift that you give with the sincere intention to enhance your relationship with the other person.

It is important that you define your identity, self-worth and contribution to a relationship in terms of who you are and what you offer. Never define yourself in terms of what you lack and the values you reject.

When you have mastered this challenge, you will be able to share confidence and self belief with your daughter. - Leonard Carr

SUPERNANNY SAYS:

It is a sad reality when children as young as six become aware of "keeping up with the Joneses".

People give expensive presents because they can, because they want to. Because they want to impress others. What appears to be extravagant to one person is reasonable for another.

What motivated your choice of gift? Did you set a budget for buying the present, or decide to share your passion for reading? I surmise what you found so upsetting was that your gift appeared to pale into insignificance because of the status given to the latest trendy toys, gadgets or branded clothing.

However, with your daughter's gift she is being given the chance to discover the joy of books, a joy for life. She will probably also remember who gave her the book for many years to come, it is a gift that she may appreciate over and over again as it is read to her and in time, she can read for herself.

The rich and the poor will be with us always, what matters is our response to them. As you hold true to your value system, you are teaching your daughter what you value.

There will come a time where she tests your value system against her experience and in the process she will understand her own value system. - Stephanie Dawson-Cosser