You can trace most if not all non-serving behavior to people having a poor self-image.
Imagine if you will, having champagne glass type containers inside your head. All are stacked like a typical champagne glass pyramid and they are labeled individually – “like”, “love”, “acceptance”, “respect”, and “recognition”. Together these make up what we call self-image. The levels of the containers will determine your self-image and character. The fuller they are, the better your self-image, the emptier they are, the poorer your self-image and character. When the containers are full they cascade down the pyramid. In other words every time someone says, “I love you” the input-juice is put into the “love” container and when it is full it will spill over and cascade down beginning to fill the glass underneath it, the “acceptance” container, then the “respect” container and so on.
Most people get their containers filled by other people. They get their daily dose of like, love, respect and acceptance externally – from others. They go through life living on the compliments and recognition that other people dish their way. “Well done”, “nice”, “good job”, “I love you”, “you’re pretty”, are the lifeblood of externally powered people. It is however a false power that is subject to the whims, moods and opinions of others.
Every compliment, gesture or acknowledgement becomes survival fuel. As long as compliments, acceptance, acknowledgements, recognition, respect, status and love are dished out, they feel happy about themselves, be it ever so ephemeral. They begin to need external recognition, money, fame, acknowledgement, brands, logos, in places, addresses, titles, parking spaces, names on letterheads or doors, invites, massive over the top materialism, and famous connections to make them feel worthy.
It is however an empty existence and a false sense of self-worth. How can it be self-worth when they continuously wait for other people or things to tell them their worth? The self does not feel that it has any worth because none of the juice is from the self. Read that again, it’s pretty good. On a deeper level people know this, and try to hide their insecurities behind masks of success, happiness and control (Facebook) when deep down their biggest fear is that one day someone will discover their emptiness inside. They live day-to-day hoping Mr. or Mrs. Delivery will deliver this self-image.
The hardest thing to hide is the stuff that’s just not there. The emptiness or void leads to greed, violence, anger, frustration and non-serving activities.
Some people don’t even get external worth from others and their containers remain fairly empty. They find it hard to get love and even harder to give love, acceptance or respect. How can you give that which you do not have? If you don’t like, love, accept, or respect yourself, then it follows that no one can like, love, accept or respect you. And you will find it virtually impossible to like, love, accept or respect others.
It all stops when you begin to understand that YOU have to fill your own containers every day. YOU have to build and fill your self-image and character containers yourself from the inside out.
• This article was originally published in the Gavin Sharples.
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