“I know I cried at the funeral hey, but I actually faked the whole thing. It was just plastic emotional energy,” a man with a strong South African accent tells the camera.
The topic of weeping men has recently featured prominently in two campaigns based on the South African stereotype that strong men don’t cry.
First on the bandwagon was DStv with their promo spoof ad campaign for the recent release of the Springbok rugby documentary series on last year’s Rugby World Cup win titled Chasing the Sun 2.
The advert features emotional men talking about moments that made them cry, building up to a warning that it is time for men to cry again as they watch Chasing the Sun 2.
“I almost cried when we lost my granny, but then we found her in the frozen food section,” states one man. Another says: “For me it was when South Africa ran out against Scotland in that Checkers kit.”
The popular promo has drawn of loads of views and attracted the interest of local NGO Father A Nation, an organisation that addresses gender-based violence, crime and fatherlessness by restoring and equipping men to be nation-builders, fathers and role models.
Inspired by the spoof, and the belief that men have a healthy need to cry more often, Father A Nation released their own video encouraging men to man-up enough to embrace vulnerability and express emotion, because it takes more courage to shed tears than to hide them.
With no budget and limited skills they created their own video that has also racked up scores of views, engagement and comment and stirred polarised but critical public dialogue challenging cultural norms.
Featuring some of the 300,000 men who have taken part in Father A Nation’s programmes to promote positive masculinity and stand against abuse, the video is a tribute to South African men who have the courage to be vulnerable and express authentic emotion.
The men featured in the video talk about the last time they cried — with these events ranging from the death of a friend to the time their child was ill, and the clip goes on to tell the story of how these men transformed their lives after having found healing by embracing vulnerability.
“Harm to others, and to self, is a very real fallout of failure to express emotion,” said Craig Wilkinson, CEO and founder of Father A Nation.
Research by the American Psychological Association found that while women cry emotional tears an average of between 30 and 64 times a year, the global annual average for the number of times men cry is at just 10.
“Men are far less likely to talk about their feelings or seek help when they are struggling — and the results are disastrous. Men are also four times more likely to die by suicide, and we see that failure to vent their emotions can make them more violent and abusive,” said Wilkinson.
“We are hoping to start a cultural shift encouraging embracing vulnerability as a strength rather than a weakness. Men’s ‘toughness’ is so deeply entrenched in our culture that there is even a vernacular term, ‘indoda ayikhali’, translating as ‘men don’t cry’.”
The NPO’s video has received an overwhelmingly positive response, garnering even more engagement and comments on TikTok than the original spoof. Many of these comments point to just how badly men want to enjoy emotional freedom, with one viewer commenting, “Wow, this is amazing. Real men cry,” and a woman saying, “Our men also deserve the grace simply to be human.”
Among the most telling comments was: “This is what our country needs. We cannot begin to imagine a nation that’s healed if we don’t heal our men.”
A few heated exchanges highlighted the connection between repressed pain and gender-based violence with one man stating: “We don’t have time to cry,” and a woman replying sharply: “Make the time — until you do, you will never stop killing us.”
Wilkinson believes that embracing vulnerability will help break the cycle of abuse and create a society where all individuals feel safe and valued.
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