Not having kids hurts men too

When I was a teenager and my parents wanted to stop me doing something, they would always say the same thing: "You'll have to make these decisions when you're a parent. It's not easy. You'll realise that when you have children of your own."

I'm 53 now and I am not a father. I never will be. I am happily married - to my second wife - and we have no children.

It is not that I did not want any; since my mid-thirties I have been broody, desperate for the children that I watched my friends and colleagues having over the years. I always assumed it would happen. But, for me, it was never the right time.

A study, reported this week, which found that childless men can be just as broody as women - and, indeed, are more prone to feeling depressed and angry about not having kids - was part of my PhD research project at Keele University. I interviewed men for it who, like me, long to be fathers and have felt utterly devastated when it has not come to pass.

I married my first wife when I was 26; she was five years younger. We bought a three-bedroom house and started trying for children. Four years passed; we never had children and eventually the marriage failed.

At 37, I met my wife. She is a few years older than me and, when things started to get serious, she told me she was past wanting children - she had once been broody, but not any more.

I had to make a choice. Did I leave her and try to find another woman who might want to get pregnant? Or did I stay in a relationship with this wonderful woman and sacrifice my hope of having children?

I am happy with my decision, but there are regrets. On our street there are some young girls who ride up and down on their bikes. My wife and I love hearing them out and about. They have birthday parties. Other parents in the neighbourhood are invited, but we are not.

Children are a bridge to a social life - to school gates and clubs and activities - that we are not a part of.

As I get older, being a grandparent has crossed my mind too. That is something I will never experience.

There is a stigma around men who do not have children. We do not talk about it. Women are nurturing and kind; men are the stoic ones. You do not want to be seen as a big softie for admitting you are broody. In reality, a lot of hurt comes from the unfulfilled desire to be a dad.

People say there are advantages to not having children, but nothing makes up for not being a father. - ©The Daily Telegraph, London