"Depression isn't sadness," says Mohale Mashigo. "It is emptiness. It has nothing to do with how much people love you, because you don't believe it. Or how many people have read your books or how well you're doing. It's just about feeling empty."
With two books and a literary prize under her belt, events that pack out with fans, and a constant stream of invitations for interviews and appearances, Mashigo would seem to be riding the crest of success, but the reality is that she is almost drowning.
"I got to the point of feeling so empty I asked 'Why am I alive?' And when the suicidal thoughts came, they came so quickly it felt like an ambush."
When she started testing the sharpness of the kitchen knives against her wrist she knew she needed help.
Anyone who suffers from depression will tell you how debilitating it is. It doesn't only suck up your energy but it silts up your brain, too. That Mashigo has managed to write such intense and imaginative stories in this state is astonishing.
"Honestly, the only thing I can do when I have depression is write," she says. "Even if it's just rubbish, it's the one thing I can do. I can't get out of bed, but I can write."
By all accounts she had a happy, secure upbringing in Soweto with parents who doted on her. "But I don't remember ever not being anxious as a child, and now I know I have generalised anxiety disorder (GAD)."
GAD, as it is known, often goes hand in hand with depression. Mashigo didn't tell her parents about her depression for a long time. "My mom's ill so she doesn't know but my dad does. Ever since I mentioned suicide he calls all the time. I live in Cape Town and he's in Johannesburg, so I understand his fear."
It's inevitable that he wonders where they went wrong as parents, but Mashigo has explained that she has a disorder. "I told him it's my brain chemicals, and I sent him information I found online. He seems to understand now."
When thoughts of suicide began to intrude she gathered a team around her, a psychiatrist, a psychologist and her best friend who, she says, "is the glue that holds me together". She attends weekly therapy and has started on medication. It was important to find a black counsellor, she says, and even better, she is a woman.
Therapy is hard work, and she's often exhausted after her sessions. "Afterwards I just want to take a nap in my back seat because I've cried so much. I've done so much work that I don't have energy for anything else."
When she does summon the energy, Mashigo takes boxing classes. She turns to author Toni Morrison for inspiration, as well as her friend and mentor Zakes Mda. Her favourite work of his is The Madonna of Excelsior. "He's a genius - he takes an ugly thing and turns it into art. I'm in awe of that."
She is starting to sing and play music again, having not touched a piano in a long while. "Nothing serious, just playing scales, but that makes me feel I'm becoming myself again."
Slowly, she feels, "bits of me are coming back. But it's going to take a while for all the bits to come back and fit together."
She feels the medication is helping enormously. "I no longer have a meltdown if I can't find my car keys. The anxiety was getting in the way of everyday life."
And of course, everyone has advice for her. "The number of people who've said 'It's all in your mind, stop eating meat, you should meditate, you should do yoga'. I want to hit them with a yoga mat!" She roars with laughter. "My mind is a mess and putting one leg in the air while I'm doing pigeon pose or whatever is not going to clear it!"
Her advice to others suffering from depression is simple: "Tell somebody. And then get help. Even if it is group therapy because you can't afford one-on-one. The voice is saying you're worthless, the world would be better without you, but it's a lie. The voice lies."
• Mashigo is the author of 'The Yearning' and 'Intruders', both published by Picador Africa...