A Johannesburg woman relived how she survived being stabbed nearly 30 times by an ex-boyfriend, only to face death again at the hands of another partner before she managed to escape and he set himself on fire.
A 23-year-old corrective rape survivor — abused to “cure” of her sexual orientation — told of her horrific ordeal, and a 50-year-old woman spoke of the violence and emotional abuse she endured through her 24-year marriage.
These and other stories are being shared throughout SA at Powa’s (People Opposing Women Abuse) healing days, which form part of the #EndDomesticSilence initiative by the NGO and tea brand Joko.
Healing days involve domestic violence survivors coming together to discuss their experiences of abuse and their journeys towards healing.
“The initiative is giving GBV survivors the opportunity to share their stories in a safe space that is non-judgemental and supportive. It’s beneficial for survivors to share their stories to assist them to let go of their traumatic experiences and gain strength, comfort, support and learn from each other,” said Thandiwe McCloy, Powa spokesperson.
Paramedic Litlhare Semoli, 50, from Botshabelo, Free State, recently told other gender-based violence survivors at a healing day about how she fell pregnant through rape and then married her rapist because she felt ashamed about having a child outside wedlock.
“He regularly hit me and once beat me so badly, I had to give birth early. He didn’t financially support me or the baby and often told me he loved someone else. Women must take care of themselves and not depend on a man,” said Semoli, who has written a book on her life.
“The healing day helped me realise that so many other women have also been abused. A candle-lighting ceremony eased some pain caused by my friend being murdered by her husband,” she said.
“At healing days, survivors also write about issues troubling them on pieces of paper, which are then burnt to symbolise forever releasing them from their heads and hearts. Additionally, there are traditional songs and a candle lighting ceremony in memory of women who have lost their lives at the hands of their partners.”
McCloy said the healing days started a year ago and will continue to run through 2022.
“In our deeply wounded society, with alarmingly high rates of GBV and femicide, their importance can’t be overemphasised.”
Neliswa Poqani, 36, who lives at a Powa shelter in Johannesburg, told other survivors at a healing day that she was stabbed 28 times by an ex-boyfriend. Her next partner threatened to kill her and her five children, but they managed to run away and then he burnt himself in their home leaving all their possessions to ashes.
“Abused women sometimes don’t express their emotions because they think they’ll be stigmatised,” said Basani Ngobeni, a social worker at Nhlayiso community health and counselling centre in Limpopo.
“The #EndDomesticSilence initiative is encouraging them to talk about their experiences, so they find healing. Many told me the healing day made them feel like they were releasing burdens from their shoulders, that it healed their souls and lifted their spirits.”
Sindi Mhlanga, a social worker at Schoemansdal victim support centre in Mpumalanga, believes a healing day should be added to the national calendar of important events.
“It’s so important to do this because people are dealing with a lot and have been through so much. The day will give us all a platform to voice our trauma, the thoughts and feelings it brings and the healing journeys we have travelled. Our country needs a lot of healing.”
Many told me the healing day made them feel like they were releasing burdens from their shoulders, that it healed their souls and lifted their spirits.
— Basani Ngobeni, Limpopo social worker
Lucinda Evans, founder and CEO of Philisa Abafazi Bethu (Xhosa for Healing Our Women), in Lavender Hill, Western Cape said the healing day gave women “space to talk honestly and openly about the importance of dealing with generational violence, so domestic violence that has become normalised in many households, stops”.
Nomathamsanqa Menze, 50, who left a 24-year abusive marriage, spoke about feeling liberated and in control at a recent healing day in the Eastern Cape.
“My ex-husband beat me with a stick, choked me and pulled my hair,” she said. He expected me to stretch a little amount of money for groceries for the whole month and called me useless because I was financially dependent on him.
“He only let me visit my family and friends for a certain amount of time before coming home. He believed he could control me because he paid lobola for me, but that is wrong. I would go to the shops with my kids to avoid him accusing me of being unfaithful. I was often on edge, worrying about what mood he would be in.”
Not only did the abuse affect her life, but it also caused her eldest son to start taking drugs as a coping mechanism.
Menze said while speaking at a healing was difficult, she also found it liberating.
“I used to be ashamed of what I’d been through and never thought I could stand up in front of everyone and share my story. Doing so made me very proud. It also felt great being around organisations that support us survivors.”
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