Here's how to win again, Patrice

DEAR Mr Motsepe, We don't know each other well, but please hear me out.

I wrote to you earlier, but I think you ditched my letter, probably mistaking it for fan mail.

I know you're a high-flying dealmaker, but the team is close to your heart.

You obviously know soccer inside out and have the bucks to splash out on top players, but I'm sure you've been taking dodgy advice since buying Sundowns.

There's a joke about the need to keep the revolving door at Chloorkop well oiled, what with the departure of Gordon Igesund the other day.

And Neil Tovey and Miguel Gamondi before him. And Paul Dolezar before them. And Angel Cappa before him.

Really, Mr Motsepe. That's more coaches than at a ZCC convention.

Here is my seven-point plan to make Mamelodi Sundowns great again:

1 Bring back the fun.

Take a look at some recent PSL game videos. Your guys look miserable. They're so nervous of what you might say at halftime they've become dull and uninspired. Stump up for some beer on the bus after an away game, get the caterers to rustle up some pap 'n wors after training, sing some songs. A happy team is a winning team. Ask the players at Ajax.

2 Try consistent selection.

It's tough with injuries and the huge number of games, but it would help if you allowed the coach to select a squad and stick with it. That's the only way you build momentum and gain confidence. Chopping and changing helps no one and only makes the players unsure.

3 Set realistic targets.

You didn't achieve business success overnight. Nor can you in soccer. Even if you hired Jose Mourinho, he wouldn't crack the big time straight away. Teams need to settle in with a new coach, but your habit of ditching them as they find their feet kills off rhythm. If Igesund wasn't up to scratch, why did Downs win the Premier League last season and reach three cup finals with him?

4 Clean out the old men.

It's tricky, this one. Ditching older players in favour of youth means giving up experience, but soccer's a young man's game - except if your name's Shoes Moshoeu - and guys like Peter Ndlovu and Michael Manzini are too long in the tooth to operate at the sharp end. Bring on the youngsters and give them the freedom to play.

5 Clone Jose Torrealba.

It was a mistake to get into a sparring session with Torrealba. You must admit Sundowns blew it over the forged documents shemozzle. I'm glad heads rolled after that. Torrealba was more outspoken than he should have been, but Sundowns should have placated the Venezuelan and got him back on-side. Maybe he has a twin you can seek out. Maybe you could clone him.

6 Buy well.

Sundowns have the fattest chequebook in the league, but there were no top-quality signings in the transfer window. Big names were bandied about but all you got were Fanyana Dladla, Luvhengo Mungomeni and three little-known players from the first division. Not good enough for a club of Sundowns' status and ambition.

7 Invest in development.

Sundowns are swimming in cash - some of it should be channelled into a proper development system. How about a soccer academy? You could even name it "Project M". Look at how well Pirates and Ajax Cape Town have done, churning out exciting young talent from within. You can dip into the transfer market all you like, but if there's no supply chain you'll get found out in the end.

Good luck and remember, the sky's the limit!

AFTER chatting to Cuba Gooding jnr, Kim Cattrall and Marvin Hagler at the Laureus Awards in Russia recently, Jake White was approached by Roger Federer. Congratulating White, the tennis great asked: "Where's Os? Where's Os?" Which proves even sports legends have heroes.

REPORTS this week have linked Mike Tyson with a rematch against Evander Holyfield. Two problems: Tyson is hog fat, as we saw during his recent visit to SA. The other is that he's lost his tag as the baddest man on the planet. He was so pumped with anti-depressants during his trip, he didn't know what planet he was on.

A WORD OR THREE

"On Sunday morning, as I drove over to the golf course, the main thought I had was to make love to my hands and be sensitive to their feelings. So I gently caressed the steering wheel with both hands. I felt the movement of the automobile through my fingertips." - Greg Norman in his new book, The Way Of The Shark.