From ballerinas who literally lit up the room to a celeb a shade lighter every time you meet her, a pollie that showers only twice a week to a rapper dabbling in a bit of porn. Throw in a room with a view, a fountain of drinks and food aplenty - hotel group Tsogo Sun pulled out all the stops to celebrate the opening of its two hotels in Cape Town's City Bowl this week.
The new 504-bed hotel complex, which features a budget offering called StayEasy next to the slightly fancier SunSquare, has sprung up opposite the old Lutheran Church on Strand and was designed by a London architectural firm.
Walking into the foyer of the higher-end hotel, I say hello to the man who is probably South Africa's most successful designer, Gavin Rajah (he regularly charges the price of an RDP house for his made-to-order creations) and then it is navigating a sea of guests moving from food station to food station while waiters proffer canapés and drinks.
I spot blond rugby player Jeremy Ward, who has his arm in a sling and is there with his girlfriend, Tayla Krog.
The 21-year-old Sharks centre tells me he broke his collarbone in last weekend's clash against the Blue Bulls in Durban and will be out of action for the rest of the season.
"They just happen to be the four most important games, but I guess that's the nature of the game."A few metres away I meet that rapper I mentioned, Jack Parow, who is about to start shooting the music video for a forthcoming single. It will use vintage porn clips superimposed with his face. "We're just mucking around to see what we come up with," he explains.
Elsewhere is a smattering of the Cape Town celebs you frequently see at these sort of things - Expresso presenter Leigh-Anne Williams and comedian Siv Ngesi, the night's MC.
Then there's an ex-Top Billing presenter Michael Mol, who now runs a successful mobile doctor service; former beauty queen Cindy Nell and the most buxom broadcaster on the box, Sinazo Yolwa.
As official proceedings get started we stand through a couple of speeches, including one by Cape Town mayor Patricia de Lille, but the highlight is when Siv introduces that politician who recently announced she showers only every third day: Twitter addict Helen Zille, who comes onto the stage to the sounds of Pata Pata.
Helen jokes with the comedian with exhibitionist tendencies that "It's good to see you with your shirt on" and later admits to me that, had she known I was attending, she'd have made a bit more of a sartorial effort.Mind you, I didn't mind the premier's red spread-collar blazer which she'd put on over a black top and slacks, but Helen - I think those frumpy shoes best belong in the bin.
Someone a lot bolder in her wardrobe colour choices but not when it comes to her increasingly pale skin was Khanyi Mbau, wearing a bright pink Calvin Klein wraparound dress, with pink heels and gigantic chandelier earrings. Khanyi, if I didn't know better I'd swear you're former Generations actress Tarina Patel's twin sister ...
Entertainment comes in the form of dancers who either blend into the surroundings or light up the room, like a set of ballerinas with white tulle skirts sparkling with fairy lights.
But nothing can match that view, which you discover on the hotel's 14th floor, where the deck gives you great views of the sea on one side and Table Mountain on the other...