Unsolicited sexual attention can be fun, too

When I was 14 or so, my friend and I would sit on my bed together and begin - intensely, morosely - to discourse. The topic was boys. Always and exclusively boys. Specifically, the boys we fantasised about and who never, ever returned our crushes. Quite simply we were dollops of unrequited, angsty desire.

The defining feature of those teenage moanathons was about how invisible we felt. We were full of despair and frustration.

Things could only improve, we figured, and they did, slowly. And I can assure you that at each and every sign of it - each rumour a boy thought I was pretty, each kiss, each lecherous stare on the street - I would secretly punch the air with glee. I too was being noticed by the opposite sex! At last!

When there's nothing menacing in the air, I have to admit I love a bit of the old unsolicited sexual attention. It can make me feel attractive. It can be funny. And, so far, it has never posed a problem for me in the workplace. I know I'm lucky and I'm not suggesting that workplace harassment is anything but real, widespread and serious.

But I've been pained in the past few weeks, throughout the Harvey Weinstein scandal and the global social media outpouring about sexual assault that followed, at the sheer negativity of women's sentiments towards men and to sexual attention. The consensus seems to be that harassment is ubiquitous and that every come-on is a threat.

Let me be clear: those in a position of power over others should never subject them to sexual blackmail. Actual physical menace of any sort is completely unacceptable; it is criminal and deserves to be punished.

I do not automatically include all verbal smut, or even inappropriate invitations to dinner, in this bracket. It's all in the context. They can be part of the fun and excitement of sexual difference; of the messiness of human relationships. They can be rebuffed or laughed at. They can even be enjoyed.

We've heard a lot about predatory male desire and female victimhood. This is right and proper given the gravity of what took place. But isn't it also time to put female sexuality, female desire and - above all - the female ego back in the picture? The odd "hey, sexy", the odd inappropriate come-on, can be just the ticket. Sexual menace is repellent: but in battling that, let's not lose the fun stuff too. - The Daily Telegraph

• This article was originally published in The Times.