After last year's Sunday Times Lifestyle Sex Survey, a rousing clarion call went out. The results of the survey had been rather vanilla. Despite anecdotal evidence to the contrary, South Africans turned out to be only slightly more adventurous than those people who eat only McDonald's when they travel.
In preparation for the next survey — launching on Wednesday October 24 — we'd like to give the good people of this nation a little bit of homework: spice it up, please. Explore those sexual boundaries. See if that sneaky finger feels nicer than it sounds, go out and discover if all those stereotypes about people of other races are true. Try that thing with the butt plug and the rope that you saw while surfing the net on private browsing and once you're done come and tell us all about it (anonymously, of course).
We hope you'll be adventurous. In the meantime, let's look back at the results of our 2017 Sex Survey:
PORN PROBLEM
One theme of the 2017 Sunday Times Lifestyle Sex Survey (in collaboration with Ratepop) was that of shame. A surprising 31.7% of male respondents and 26.4% of female respondents said they watched porn but were ashamed of doing so.
Given how much South Africans enjoy a blue movie, it is hard to believe that more than one in four of us are embarrassed by our pornographic penchants. Those of you thinking about it, spare me the feigned mortification at the suggestion: we know the truth - and so does Pornhub.
SA regularly ranks among the site's 20 biggest consumers of cinematic smut. Last year we clocked in at 19th, with the company finding that we are really big fans of Kim Kardashian, Ebony porn and babysitter threesomes. As porn goes, those are pretty vanilla categories, to be honest. Had our most-searched term been "hentai tentacles" (don't ask) there would have been more cause for shame.
The growing popularity of porn, especially among women, suggests that we may be getting over this antiquated hang-up. Hopefully the results of this year's Sunday Times Sex Survey will bear that out.
WHAT'S THE BUZZ?
Sex toys are another touchy subject for us. Almost two-thirds of straight black female respondents and nearly 45% of their white counterparts said they do not use sex toys.
It is widely known that men are generally bad at providing women with orgasms - we have some kind of wiring problem that has yet to be fixed by maintenance. Take your sexual gratification into your own hands and lower these numbers. At the very least, it will decrease your need to trawl through the landfill that is Tinder just to scratch an itch.
There is a data gap where the men are concerned, but last year Lifestyle ran a story on how sex robots had been imported to SA and almost immediately sold out despite their R16,000 price tag. At least some of us men aren't too fussed about the idea of genital joysticks.
CROSS THAT LINE
Now to the elephant in the room, race. Last year's Sex Survey stumbled upon some interesting, though not entirely surprising, stats pertaining to South Africans' genital jousting when the participants are different colours. Just over 58% of white respondents had never made the beast with two backs with anyone who wasn't white, and 31.1% of that group were insistent on tasting only vanilla for the remainder of their lives.
Come now, white people, how can you claim to be African when all you've ever eaten is an English breakfast? Step it up chaps, SA is alive with possibilities and not all of their names are Brett or Sunette.
To be fair, even more black respondents haven't dabbled outside the race (62%) but that is not for lack of desire. Only 13.1% are solely interested in black-on-black fornication, and 48% say they are open to trying something different should the opportunity arise.
A round of applause for Indian/Asian and coloured people in this regard. More than 60% of both groups reported that they've engaged in interracial good times, and less than 10% of both said they were unwilling to try.
PILE ON
While last year's Sex Survey was pretty good, it could have used more respondents for better accuracy. We got a good enough sample size to make the venture worth it, but if you want to be represented, you need to participate and tell your friends to participate.
Anecdotal evidence tells me that SA is much more sexually fluid and adventurous than last year's respondents would have us believe. The number of male performance-enhancement ads floating around our society suggests that a lot more than 8% of men currently have a problem rousing the one-eyed trouser snake.
Part of the point of the survey is to show that there is nothing wrong with erectile dysfunction and other sex-related issues. It is to show that other people go through it too and there is nothing to be ashamed of.
Sex often still carries connotations of shame and it doesn't have to be that way. That type of embarrassment tends to be poisonous, so rather than continue to poison ourselves, let's leech that poison out of our collective systems while revelling in the details about what our fellow volk like when the underwear goes flying...