Until a few days ago few South Africans had not heard of Peter Dutton, Australia's home affairs minister. They'd even be hard-pressed to name the country's prime minister. Now Dutton's name is almost a swear word.
Dutton, who comes across as a cranky rightwinger, said he was thinking of fast-tracking visas for white farmers from South Africa. They deserved special attention, he said, because of the "horrific circumstances" of land seizures and the killing of white farmers in this country.
The reaction from the South African government was a tantrum. Lindiwe Sisulu, our new foreign minister, demanded an apology and retraction. What if the Australians don't oblige? Are we going to break off diplomatic relations?We should calm down. As our chief diplomat, Sisulu should know that her job is to make friends and not create mountains out of molehills. As Winston Churchill would say, diplomacy is the art of telling people to go to hell in a way that they ask for directions. Writer Robin Hobb put it nicely: "Diplomacy is the velvet glove that cloaks the fist of power."
Power doesn't shout. Only empty vessels do.
Countries spend millions on diplomacy - ambassadors, chargés d'affaires, even the odd spy - but still get things wrong. True diplomacy speaks in measured tones and builds bridges.What to keep in mind is that we operate in an international environment where people and countries will always have a view about us, about what we do or say. We can never decide or determine how they will, or should, react.
Australia is not the first to "invite" white South African farmers. Several African countries have done so. Figures released seven years ago showed that more than 1500 white farmers had established farms in 23 African countries, including Egypt and Sudan. Mozambique seems to be the biggest beneficiary with many already farming there successfully. Others are eyeing Zimbabwe, of all places, given Emmerson Mnangagwa's purported change of heart.
As one farmer put it: "Would you invest in land if you know they're going to take it?"
Maybe we should ask why all these people want to leave. If we're happy to see them go, then those ready to welcome them shouldn't be our bother.
But Australians have always touched us on our studio, to borrow a homemade phrase. We hate their guts.
I'm less concerned about the utterances of a politician who, at the time of committing the said crime, might have smoked something.
I'm more worked up about the Australians who are currently gallivanting on our shores with some gay abandon. No problem with how they go about their business. Fine cricketers they are, but awful human beings. They really get my goat. The Australians play dirty and then play victim. They aren't bothered that they represent their country.
Now Kagiso Rabada is banned for the rest of the series for rubbing the tender shoulder of his royal highness Steven Smith, Australia's captain.
Maybe Rabada shouldn't have done that. Maybe he should have curtsied.
But what Rabada did pales into insignificance compared with the many infractions committed by the Aussies. If Rabada is out, why is David Warner still in? Why is Nathan Lyon, who deliberately dropped the ball on a sprawled AB de Villiers, still there? And why is Mitchell Marsh still playing after calling Rabada the c-word following his dismissal by the same bowler?We are, of course, going to be told Rabada has accumulated more so-called demerit points. It's just an excuse. The Australians are royalty and they're treated as such. Faf du Plessis is right to complain that Rabada's brush - and that's all it was - was nothing compared with Warner's frenzied sledging. After his runout of De Villiers, he was like a madman on steroids, shouting expletives. He proceeded to abuse Quinton de Kock, who responded in kind, which led to that infamous stairway fracas, when Warner had to be restrained by his teammates as he was trying to get at De Kock.
Warner's behaviour did not seem to trouble the team management. Coach Darren Lehmann said the incident would not affect Warner's status as team vice-captain. "We are certainly supporting David," he said. That's no surprise; Lehmann was once caught making racist utterances.
It seems OK for the Aussies to abuse you but you're not allowed to respond to their insult. Because doing so is crossing "the line".
But as Ottis Gibson retorted: "Where is this line? Whose line is it anyway?"
Jeff Crowe, the match referee, apparently said the series couldn't do without Warner. But it seems it can do without Rabada.
But Rabada's banning is not an accident. It was planned. The Aussies said so publicly. They knew that Rabada was the Proteas' most potent weapon and sought to neutralise him. If you can't beat him, find ways of getting rid of him. Pity is that the Proteas management didn't see it coming.
Australia, along with India and England, are the top dogs of world cricket. They're more equal than the others. And some of their players seem to think they're a cut above the rest. They may be right, because sometimes they get away with murder...